gaijinmark wrote:

An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.' What are you? She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

LOL!
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Wynter wrote:

LOL!

I heard that one about a lesbian cowboy before.

Sure are alot of them about!
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Eve wrote:

I heard that one about a lesbian cowboy before. Sure are alot of them about!

Lesbians... or cowboys?
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Wynter wrote:

Lesbians... or cowboys?

Lesbians......
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LOL
nice one gaijinmark that pilot is slow
ralphm1999 hahaha man words can't describe that perosn stupidity
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A prisoner breaks in, ties up husband and wife.
Jumps on the wife, kisses her ear then turns and runs towards the bathroom. The husband tells the wife "just give him what he wants from you and satisfy him" or he'll kill the both of us"..." I saw the way he kissed you".... "just be strong '!! I love you no matter what happens!
The wife replys..." He didn't kiss me!" he just whispered in my ear that he is gay and asked me where the vasaline was "... "I told hime it's in the bathroom"....
"Let's see who the has to be strong now"!!!

Anime Dad wrote:

A prisoner breaks in, ties up husband and wife. Jumps on the wife, kisses her ear then turns and runs towards the bathroom. The husband tells the wife "just give him what he wants from you and satisfy him" or he'll kill the both of us"..." I saw the way he kissed you".... "just be strong '!! I love you no matter what happens! The wife replys..." He didn't kiss me!" he just whispered in my ear that he is gay and asked me where the vasaline was "... "I told hime it's in the bathroom".... "Let's see who the has to be strong now"!!!

Ouch-eeee!!!!

Hilarious, AD!
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Knock on the door....

Woman opens it to see a telegram being handed to her.

She claps her hands in delight and says
!
OH A singing telegram ! I always wanted a singing telegram. !

Man says..No Madam not a singing telegram. I don't do singing telegrams.. just a telegam .

Woman refuses and begs him to sing the telegram.

After much struggle the man says...Well allright but I don't have a good voice..Tune is 'HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD'


Dada da Dah da Dah..Your sister Rose is dead. ............




Peggy

Sorry..

I really must get out more.

Peggy

brad2 wrote:

Sorry.. I really must get out more. Peggy

I heard it as "Your son is dead"

Funny every time.

All the ones I can think of right now are very non-PC.
Think I better stay quiet.
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It's really an old one but I do lke the 'sister rose' version.

I have a CD somewhere of an Irish comedian who does a very funny standup. He does this joke but stretches it out forever with different terrible things happening so that the final message will not seem so bad. Funny done in an Irish brogue.

Humour used to be funny and witty but nowadays it seems to have become harsh and mean and intensely personal. Lacking in wit and intelligence in my opinion.

Peg

brad2 wrote:

Humour used to be funny and witty but nowadays it seems to have become harsh and mean and intensely personal. Lacking in wit and intelligence in my opinion. Peg

I think jokes have always made someone or something the butt of the humore.

Polack jokes were big when my mother was a kid.

But here is one that shouldnt offfend too many.

THree reasons why you wouldnt want to be an egg:
1) you only get laid once
2) you only get eaten once
3) and it takes fifteen minutes to get hard.
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A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and
knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door "Is your Dad
home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."


"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"


"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."


The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the
other and mumbling to himself.


"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know
where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take
a message for Dad."



"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your
Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie,
pregnant."'


The boy considered for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about
that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges
$500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he
gets for Howard."
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...

but still after all....

Peg

Eve wrote:

I think jokes have always made someone or something the butt of the humore.

brad2 wrote:

... but still after all.... Peg

As I said.......

One can joke even in Emoticons.
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Anime Dad wrote:

A prisoner breaks in, ties up husband and wife. Jumps on the wife, kisses her ear then turns and runs towards the bathroom. The husband tells the wife "just give him what he wants from you and satisfy him" or he'll kill the both of us"..." I saw the way he kissed you".... "just be strong '!! I love you no matter what happens! The wife replys..." He didn't kiss me!" he just whispered in my ear that he is gay and asked me where the vasaline was "... "I told hime it's in the bathroom".... "Let's see who the has to be strong now"!!!

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Here is a suitable after VAlentines Day joke.


What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I listened to
the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the
things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

I leaned over, touched my wife gently, and whispered,

'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began my life of celibacy.........
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I was watching a PBS show yesterday about comedy and Larry David posed this question:

"Who has more freedom, a married man in America or a single man in Communist China?"

bmwracer wrote:

I was watching a PBS show yesterday about comedy and Larry David posed this question: "Who has more freedom, a married man in America or a single man in Communist China?"

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