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Japanese Girl/Boyfriends - Dating in Japan
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Ayachan



Joined: 28 May 2005
Posts: 136


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 3:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

seppydude wrote:
I know what you mean.

I've only ever seen Japanese/Chinese girls at uni, and I'd never dare go up to them. Simply because, what if I greet them in Japanese (granted, my Japanese stinks) and theire Chinese? What do I do then? I know absolutely no Chinese apart from "Zhang Ziyi"... and thats only a name! Puppy Dog Eyes

But from what I've learned here. Next semester, I might just try and talk to a J-girl. Might.


well try to say ohayo ..if they don't look at you try "zao an" , if they turn to look at you .....just continue in english..since you speak english and they do ...why would you actually introduce yourself in chinese or japanese ?
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gambit06



Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 6
Location: United States
Country: United States

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 4:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Hi. I noticed the discussion when I was searching for information on dating Japanese girls. My situation is quite a bit different from the original poster's, and I wanted to ask if any of the advice for him could also be applied to me, or if I need different approaches.

I am a 21 year old Caucasian American university student, and I have been planning a month-long trip to Japan (primarily the Tokyo and Kyoto areas). I don't speak much Japanese, though I'm going to learn as much as possible before the trip (not going for about a year).

First, a lot has been said in this thread about the attractiveness and acceptability of haafu. What about a full gaijin like myself? Being that I don't speak Japanese (yet), and am just another white American visitor, is there any advantage or even equal footing when trying to date a J-girl?

I'm also trying to make contacts in Japan before I go that I might be able to visit while I'm there. I don't know how effective this method may be, but perhaps having established friend/penpal relations with some J-girls in the time before my trip, might be a good springboard for dating?

Particularly though, I'm interested in this nanpa and how it can be executed effectively with J-girls. Any comments on that would be appreciated. (Also, if I don't have a cell phone in Japan, how hard would it be to get in contact with any girls I meet on the street? Is email as commonly used?)

What about these "friendship parties" put on by groups like Kokusai Friends? (http://www.kokusai-friends.com/home.htm) Has anyone had any experience with things like these and know whether or not they are really good for meeting single J-girls?

Last, but not least, I am a bit of an anime fan (though not an obsessive otaku). Given some of the bad connotations of this subculture, should it be something I should avoid discussing with any J-girls?

Thank you all for your time.
-- Remy
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loris



Joined: 23 Apr 2005
Posts: 553


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 4:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

gambit06 wrote:
Particularly though, I'm interested in this nanpa and how it can be executed effectively with J-girls.


Ah ha. nanpa, huh?

We know what you are up to you naughty boy.

Just go to the happening places like Roppongi, Shinjuku, Shibuya. There's a bar (bars?) in Roppongi called the Gas Panic that apparently has a reputation for being a good place to hook up with Japanese girls.
You can read more about it if you do a web search. You'll probably find other clubs and places to go too. Happy Hunting.
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gambit06



Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 6
Location: United States
Country: United States

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 5:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

I wasn't aware that there were any not so nice connotations to nanpa.

Gxcad wrote:


nanpa as quoted above I believe is hitting on strangers (not necessarily girls, sorry my mistake). To be more accurate, my best guess as I've seen it being used is "invite to a meal together" as if to make a date immediately out of a stranger right on the spot.


I thought it was the same as here in the US, asking for a girl's phone number that you run into at the bookstore or something. Although, I did find an interesting site discussing the difference between nanpa and koha. http://www.harmful.org/homedespot/newtdr/butt.htm

In any case, I meant more the meeting someone and getting a phone number for a possible date later, as opposed to some of the less nice meanings.

-- Remy
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qilver



Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 25363


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

gambit06 wrote:
Hi. I noticed the discussion when I was searching for information on dating Japanese girls. My situation is quite a bit different from the original poster's, and I wanted to ask if any of the advice for him could also be applied to me, or if I need different approaches.

I am a 21 year old Caucasian American university student, and I have been planning a month-long trip to Japan (primarily the Tokyo and Kyoto areas). I don't speak much Japanese, though I'm going to learn as much as possible before the trip (not going for about a year).

First, a lot has been said in this thread about the attractiveness and acceptability of haafu. What about a full gaijin like myself? Being that I don't speak Japanese (yet), and am just another white American visitor, is there any advantage or even equal footing when trying to date a J-girl?

I'm also trying to make contacts in Japan before I go that I might be able to visit while I'm there. I don't know how effective this method may be, but perhaps having established friend/penpal relations with some J-girls in the time before my trip, might be a good springboard for dating?

Particularly though, I'm interested in this nanpa and how it can be executed effectively with J-girls. Any comments on that would be appreciated. (Also, if I don't have a cell phone in Japan, how hard would it be to get in contact with any girls I meet on the street? Is email as commonly used?)

What about these "friendship parties" put on by groups like Kokusai Friends? (http://www.kokusai-friends.com/home.htm) Has anyone had any experience with things like these and know whether or not they are really good for meeting single J-girls?

Last, but not least, I am a bit of an anime fan (though not an obsessive otaku). Given some of the bad connotations of this subculture, should it be something I should avoid discussing with any J-girls?

Thank you all for your time.
-- Remy

I think it is great you are taking the opportunity in staying awhile in japan, I wish i could do the same thing 10 years ago. Japan is a great place to visit. I have heard about friendship parties, but don't know much about it. I too am sorta an Otaku, very much into anime/manga, Akihabara is the place to go, i went there in my last trip. I am not sure if i would mention it to a J-girl that you first meet, maybe afterawhile, but that is just my opinion. If you do happen to mention it, keep it simple and general, she may not be aware of the anime scene much. I think it is good that you are trying to get j-girl/friends and other connections ahead of time, so when you do visit it will be good to have a local that can show you the ways. As far as meeting goes, you may meet some j-girls in Tokyo. During my last trip, i met a j-girl, and we have been emailing recently. As far as Gajin's, I always thought in some way the Caucasion Gajin probably sparks more of an interest in J-girls, the blond, blue eyed, girl/guy. But the hapa ones may be as exotic to them, as for the rest of us, me included, we may or may not blend in as an americanized asian Gajin, could be a disadvantage or an advantage anyway you look at it, in either case, I am into Japanese girls as well. Victory! Peace!
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Gxcad



Joined: 13 Sep 2003
Posts: 12


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 11:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

The best way to find out if a girl is j or c or k or whatever is to ask them IN ENGLISH (if you are in UK or USA). Most girls will know at least a little bit and you can ask them in english if they are japanese or whatnot. This is surefire 100%. If you find out they are J and try to talk to them in J, chances are they will take to you simply because you know a little or at least are talking to them in their native language, and it will make them feel more comfortable with you. I'm sure for those of you who speak more than one language it is a nice suprise to find out someone (possibly a friend) can speak or is learning your language, you tend to take an interest to this person. At least I do, and I've tried this method with 100% success. It would kinda be like if you to to Japan and you find someone who speaks perfect english.

No, I do not have any relatives who could teach me the ropes, they are way too old lol.

I wonder what is the best way to find jgirls in america? In japan obviously everywhere you go but for example in San Francisco where I normally live it is quite hard to find a j-girl (especially japan raised) although you will see americanized japanese girls. At least in SF, most asian girls are chinese and speak cantonese, and japantown only works like soso...still lots of non japanese. I've noticed though at a couple colleges now, there is always one or two rooms where at certain times they will completely fill up with japanese girls from japan (cannot remember if guys were there too...) probably some kind of esl class but that does not explain why ALL of them are japanese (about 20 students). Also some colleges seem to offer programs to meet and exchange practice of each others language (you learn japanese, they learn english) so that might be one way to get your foot in the door but I do not know much details about either one.

I think full caucasian will have a similar advantage to haafu in japan IMHO. When I am here it seems caucasians are looked up to just in the culture. Like I mentioned some commercials go out of their way to show caucasians endorsing a product and makes the commercial more successful, not to mention brad pitt and tom cruise and such are a huge success when they come over to japan to promote their hollywood movies (also successes in japan). Young ppl these days in japan are taught english in school and in general knowing english is cool/admirable so you may be suprised to find a lot of young ppl will know at least conversation level english. Combine that with whatever japanese you know and you should be able to communicate pretty well IMO. Even strangers are really nice to tourists in japan and would often be happy to give directions or such. If you are caucasian it will be obvious you might not know great japanese and I think they would tend to be patient with you. Young ppl in particular always seem interested and excited to meet caucasians or similar gaijin. Another suprise (for me too) is you may find j girls will tend to do things for you at least in my limited experience. What I mean is things like get drinks or coat when leaving ect. Watching some doramas like hatachi no kekkon you will notice this too, the men always have women get things for them like beer.

-Ken
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qilver



Joined: 28 Sep 2004
Posts: 25363


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Gxcad wrote:
The best way to find out if a girl is j or c or k or whatever is to ask them IN ENGLISH (if you are in UK or USA). Most girls will know at least a little bit and you can ask them in english if they are japanese or whatnot. This is surefire 100%. If you find out they are J and try to talk to them in J, chances are they will take to you simply because you know a little or at least are talking to them in their native language, and it will make them feel more comfortable with you. I'm sure for those of you who speak more than one language it is a nice suprise to find out someone (possibly a friend) can speak or is learning your language, you tend to take an interest to this person. At least I do, and I've tried this method with 100% success. It would kinda be like if you to to Japan and you find someone who speaks perfect english.

No, I do not have any relatives who could teach me the ropes, they are way too old lol.

I wonder what is the best way to find jgirls in america? In japan obviously everywhere you go but for example in San Francisco where I normally live it is quite hard to find a j-girl (especially japan raised) although you will see americanized japanese girls. At least in SF, most asian girls are chinese and speak cantonese, and japantown only works like soso...still lots of non japanese. I've noticed though at a couple colleges now, there is always one or two rooms where at certain times they will completely fill up with japanese girls from japan (cannot remember if guys were there too...) probably some kind of esl class but that does not explain why ALL of them are japanese (about 20 students). Also some colleges seem to offer programs to meet and exchange practice of each others language (you learn japanese, they learn english) so that might be one way to get your foot in the door but I do not know much details about either one.

I think full caucasian will have a similar advantage to haafu in japan IMHO. When I am here it seems caucasians are looked up to just in the culture. Like I mentioned some commercials go out of their way to show caucasians endorsing a product and makes the commercial more successful, not to mention brad pitt and tom cruise and such are a huge success when they come over to japan to promote their hollywood movies (also successes in japan). Young ppl these days in japan are taught english in school and in general knowing english is cool/admirable so you may be suprised to find a lot of young ppl will know at least conversation level english. Combine that with whatever japanese you know and you should be able to communicate pretty well IMO. Even strangers are really nice to tourists in japan and would often be happy to give directions or such. If you are caucasian it will be obvious you might not know great japanese and I think they would tend to be patient with you. Young ppl in particular always seem interested and excited to meet caucasians or similar gaijin. Another suprise (for me too) is you may find j girls will tend to do things for you at least in my limited experience. What I mean is things like get drinks or coat when leaving ect. Watching some doramas like hatachi no kekkon you will notice this too, the men always have women get things for them like beer.

-Ken

I haven't met too many pure(japanese born)j-girls, i only met a few, but it seem that they like to visit California and other states and some do homestays with american families. I once met a girl that was visiting a month in Orange County. Her english was limited but she spoke in simple conversation. Various colleges may have some j-girls, but elsewhere besides japanese communities, it might be hard to find them.
The best way, is to go to japan and either stay a long time or move there, and try to converse in Japanese. I am sure they will appreciate you trying to speak the language, even from a phrase book. Something i did in my recent last trip to japan, I tried to speak the language, simple phrases of course, but most of them understood. Even if i could blend in a little as an Asian-Gajin, I am sure they could tell with my accent that i was a non-japanese. hehe
The best way to meet them, is to find a good opportunity for a conversation and just ask them later if you feel she is nice and you want to take a chance, ask her for her email/number, she might give it to you.
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jjpsychic2



Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Posts: 87


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Gxcad wrote:
The best way to find out if a girl is j or c or k or whatever is to ask them IN ENGLISH (if you are in UK or USA). Most girls will know at least a little bit and you can ask them in english if they are japanese or whatnot. This is surefire 100%. If you find out they are J and try to talk to them in J, chances are they will take to you simply because you know a little or at least are talking to them in their native language, and it will make them feel more comfortable with you. I'm sure for those of you who speak more than one language it is a nice suprise to find out someone (possibly a friend) can speak or is learning your language, you tend to take an interest to this person. At least I do, and I've tried this method with 100% success. It would kinda be like if you to to Japan and you find someone who speaks perfect english.

No, I do not have any relatives who could teach me the ropes, they are way too old lol.

I wonder what is the best way to find jgirls in america? In japan obviously everywhere you go but for example in San Francisco where I normally live it is quite hard to find a j-girl (especially japan raised) although you will see americanized japanese girls. At least in SF, most asian girls are chinese and speak cantonese, and japantown only works like soso...still lots of non japanese. I've noticed though at a couple colleges now, there is always one or two rooms where at certain times they will completely fill up with japanese girls from japan (cannot remember if guys were there too...) probably some kind of esl class but that does not explain why ALL of them are japanese (about 20 students). Also some colleges seem to offer programs to meet and exchange practice of each others language (you learn japanese, they learn english) so that might be one way to get your foot in the door but I do not know much details about either one.

I think full caucasian will have a similar advantage to haafu in japan IMHO. When I am here it seems caucasians are looked up to just in the culture. Like I mentioned some commercials go out of their way to show caucasians endorsing a product and makes the commercial more successful, not to mention brad pitt and tom cruise and such are a huge success when they come over to japan to promote their hollywood movies (also successes in japan). Young ppl these days in japan are taught english in school and in general knowing english is cool/admirable so you may be suprised to find a lot of young ppl will know at least conversation level english. Combine that with whatever japanese you know and you should be able to communicate pretty well IMO. Even strangers are really nice to tourists in japan and would often be happy to give directions or such. If you are caucasian it will be obvious you might not know great japanese and I think they would tend to be patient with you. Young ppl in particular always seem interested and excited to meet caucasians or similar gaijin. Another suprise (for me too) is you may find j girls will tend to do things for you at least in my limited experience. What I mean is things like get drinks or coat when leaving ect. Watching some doramas like hatachi no kekkon you will notice this too, the men always have women get things for them like beer.

-Ken


I live in Southern California. I am very lucky to have quite a few Japanese restaurants around here and it is very difficult to find Japanese girls who are Japanese. There are Japanese people around here but they are third or fourth generations and they already lost their Japanese identities. I am a Japanese minor here at the University of California, Irvine so I do take Japanese classes, such as Contemporary Japanese Film, Japanese Political Economy, Upper Division Japanese language classes and there I met lots of Japanese people except the language classes. This year I took a lot of the Japanese upper division courses and I met lots of Japanese people, including people who are studying abroad. I met people from Keio University, Sophia, Tsubaku, Tohoku, Waseda, etc.

Certainly education is essential but today it is all about the networking.
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jjpsychic2



Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Posts: 87


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Speaking of contacts.. you know in America.. AIM is popular. In Japan MSM is popular. Actually I find MSM very neat compared to AIM.
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jjpsychic2



Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Posts: 87


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

qilver wrote:

just finished reading your story, interesting, and i think it is a definite advantage to know the language and culture well as you do. Being mixed to the girls perhaps is exotic to them. Also, the information based on your experiences will help others that plan on either visiting japan or moving there. I have always wanted to know how the j-girls are like in more person and more indepth. Bonk


Well I'm glad to hear that it was beneficial. I just say my random thoughts and experiences to bring my perspectives so I can share it with you all here.

I've had some more actually in the US. I used to work at a Japanese video store and the customers were very surprised that I am able to speak Japanese fluently. I would have both young and old people talking to me. Even couples. Even couples who say that if I go to Japan, I would be very popular there. It is been two years since I have been there. I am planning to go study abroad in Keio University in my 4th year of college and hopefully I can get a scholarship as well. Although I am an international studies major and japanese minor, I am going to try to pursue acting in Japan. I've always acted ever since I was a little kid so without any regret, I would like to see what I can do in the Japanese industry.
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jjpsychic2



Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Posts: 87


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

aishetru wrote:
i've always wondered about how it would be like going out with a Japanese guy (pure Japanese, meaning does not know any English) and is raised very heavily to be proud to be Japanese and proud of the Japanese culture. has anyone dated someone like this before and you being not Japanese? what was it like and how did you feel?


One of my friends who is not Japanese but in this case my friend is a guy though. He went to Japan to study abroad for one year and he met this girl in a train. Apparently one of the seats became vacant, and he offered her to sit down there in Japanese. He took 3 years of Japanese college level before he came to Japan. Oh wait, I'm sorry 2 years. And apparently they both went on the same train and then this time she went up to him and saying that she remembered him that one day. And now he's back in the US but they have been going out for at least a year. Crazy, huh?
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jjpsychic2



Joined: 06 Sep 2004
Posts: 87


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

Gxcad wrote:


As jjpsychic2 has mentioned, I also notice a lot of positive attention whenever I deal with japan raised people (whether in japan or in the states, girls or guys). I am normally a pretty modest person but it is still very obvious to me japan-raised people have a strong admiration for 1. people who speak well english and japanese (english only?). 2. Caucasian or half caucasian half japanese (haafu) people (if not initially, once they find out). and 3. People who live overseas or have lived overseas (specifically europe or america?).

Ever since I was about 16 I notice lots of looks when I am in japan from people of all kinds. Although not super obvious, a lot of ppl can tell I am haafu. People are very interested in talking to me especially because I can speak japanese so it is easy for them to communicate with me. I've met japanese guys who openly and repeatedly express great envy because I am haafu, and ask me what it is like to be haafu. In america it is not a huge deal to be haafu, but whenever I am in japan I feel like it makes a huge difference, almost feels like a celebrity sometimes. And people openly clearly tell me that me being haafu makes them drawn to want to be my friend. Similarly to jjpsychic, I also get a lot of questions like 'do you have a gf' from japanese girls.

One time I was in SF (america) and a guy and his gf (probably from japan) got on the bus and sat near me, infact the girl sat next to me and the guy sat in front of me. The problem was both of them assumed I did not understand japanese and the guy proceeds to talk about how the bus smells like old eggs and he was really funny, and the girl next to me is cracking up while I stare out the window struggling mightily to hide that I am laughing inside. Like jjpsychic, I too was hiding that I understand japanese and the guy had already said things that if he knew I understood japanese would be really embarrasing for both of us. I couldn't just start laughing for no reason pretending I saw something really funny outside the window coincidentally right on que as his punchlines. Even though for other ppl it can be very suprising that I speak japanese, I often forget this myself. When I hear caucasians or mixed ppl speaking japanese, it is a very strange feeling for me too... There are also lots of commercials here where caucasians will appear, supposedly that makes the commercial automatically more effective.

I've also noticed getting married is very important in japan, often ppl seem to associate getting married with being happy.

-Ken


Oh mann, that bus story cracked me up. I've had so many similar incidents. Sometimes, you may be talking in Japanese to someone thinking this other person does not definitely speak Japanese but he/she may speak it so be careful as well. Hehe.

But yea, Ken, I'm really glad you brought this topic up. It is really interesting to hear what people think and what people have to say here. I just wanted to say thank you for all your comments and thoughts and sorry for posting 5 posts but I just wanted to respond to some of your comments.

I just remembered now before I wished I wasn't born half. I did not like the idea that I had an American last name because people did not know how to respond my last name. Teachers can't pronounce it etc. I wish I had a japanese last name. And there were times I wished I didnt have Japanese in me. It's very interesting on how I felt about myself back then. Today, I am so glad to have two identities and I am very thankful for my parents. Being half caucasian and half japanese has allowed me to see both identities clearly and the ability to meet different people. And the shy, quiet person I was, has become to more the confident, outgoing person I am today.
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aishetru



Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Posts: 108


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 8:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

jjpsychic2 wrote:


One of my friends who is not Japanese but in this case my friend is a guy though. He went to Japan to study abroad for one year and he met this girl in a train. Apparently one of the seats became vacant, and he offered her to sit down there in Japanese. He took 3 years of Japanese college level before he came to Japan. Oh wait, I'm sorry 2 years. And apparently they both went on the same train and then this time she went up to him and saying that she remembered him that one day. And now he's back in the US but they have been going out for at least a year. Crazy, huh?


that's cool. maybe it's fate and they are destined to be together.
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hikki



Joined: 07 Jul 2004
Posts: 42
Location: Fussa-shi, Tokyo

PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 8:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

aishetru wrote:
Gxcad

whatever you do, don't hug or kiss the girls because then it is considered like you are after them and after for more than just a friendly kiss and hug. kiss and hugging is restricted to boyfriend, fiance, spouse. best is to keep your distance and just talk normal and be like a friend. if the girl shows interest and you like her, invite her to go out.


That's a joke... seriously... it's not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. I hug and kiss a lot of my friends out here, and they hug and kiss me... It's not a big deal... most of the time.

The only time I had a problem wasn't even dealing with a hug and kiss... I was working at a club in Odaiba, and I had to do body searches... I searched this one girl and then her boyfriend let out an annoyed laugh... I should've gave him a big ol "pat" on the back after I searched him... I was just doing my job, fool... get over yourself Bleah

About the Japanese girls getting things for you... It's a cultural things... They were raised up with bringing out drinks and carrying things. They aren't doing it to be nice because you're a foreigner.

You should read too much into things... Like, I was hanging out with my friend, and his girlfriend (Japanese) came along (it was him (Vietnamese) and two white girls visiting from the states) last night in Roppongi... she ended up hanging out with me most of the night and talking with me because she was glad that there was someone who could actually speak Japanese...

After I showered up, she stayed up with me and chatted until I left for the train at around 5am and walked me out while everyone else slept... It's just a customarily friendly thing... When you make a good friend, you hang out with them. It's not like she wanted to jump my bones or anything... Japanese folks just take good care of their friends.

As for hoping to pick up a girlfriend during a one-month stay in Japan... it's not really fair to the girl... You're there... you show up and tell her that you want to see her... you try to bed her... and then you leave... Maybe you email her from time to time... and then lose touch. Kinda cold... Go to Japan to enjoy the country, not to try and bed women... Make friends, not bed buddies.

Yes, marriage is a big deal in Japan... If you aren't married by 30, then you're considered an old maid... the cliched "Makeinu"... most women want to get married around 25... but the average age for married women in Japan is 28... it continues to climb each year as women are working more and living at home with their parents... thus enjoying a carefree lifestyle where they can spoil themselves with their wages while taking advantage of ma & pa's living and feeding accomodations.

Being a foreigner, white, black, whatever... doesn't necessarily help you out... There are women that like foriegners and women that don't want to have anything to do with them whatsoever... You don't have to generally be attractive to win over a lovely lady... I've seen some of the ugliest white guys with very beautiful women out here... I wonder how they do it, as they can't communicate in either Japanese or English most of the time... so, if they have their charming wiles, they won't be able to use them... Whatever.

Romance in Japan, just as in any country, is just a crap shoot... You win some, you lose some...

I live out here... but, I've found out that only gay Japanese men, middle school girls, and maybe 3 pretty women are attracted to me... Ah, what a sad life I live... Whatever, though.. it's not like I'm looking for anyone...



Yea, my photos... so, now you know that if you look somewhat like me, you're going to attract gay men Doh!
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aishetru



Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Posts: 108


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

hikki wrote:


That's a joke... seriously... it's not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. I hug and kiss a lot of my friends out here, and they hug and kiss me... It's not a big deal... most of the time.

The only time I had a problem wasn't even dealing with a hug and kiss... I was working at a club in Odaiba, and I had to do body searches... I searched this one girl and then her boyfriend let out an annoyed laugh... I should've gave him a big ol "pat" on the back after I searched him... I was just doing my job, fool... get over yourself Bleah

About the Japanese girls getting things for you... It's a cultural things... They were raised up with bringing out drinks and carrying things. They aren't doing it to be nice because you're a foreigner.

You should read too much into things... Like, I was hanging out with my friend, and his girlfriend (Japanese) came along (it was him (Vietnamese) and two white girls visiting from the states) last night in Roppongi... she ended up hanging out with me most of the night and talking with me because she was glad that there was someone who could actually speak Japanese...

After I showered up, she stayed up with me and chatted until I left for the train at around 5am and walked me out while everyone else slept... It's just a customarily friendly thing... When you make a good friend, you hang out with them. It's not like she wanted to jump my bones or anything... Japanese folks just take good care of their friends.

As for hoping to pick up a girlfriend during a one-month stay in Japan... it's not really fair to the girl... You're there... you show up and tell her that you want to see her... you try to bed her... and then you leave... Maybe you email her from time to time... and then lose touch. Kinda cold... Go to Japan to enjoy the country, not to try and bed women... Make friends, not bed buddies.

Yes, marriage is a big deal in Japan... If you aren't married by 30, then you're considered an old maid... the cliched "Makeinu"... most women want to get married around 25... but the average age for married women in Japan is 28... it continues to climb each year as women are working more and living at home with their parents... thus enjoying a carefree lifestyle where they can spoil themselves with their wages while taking advantage of ma & pa's living and feeding accomodations.

Being a foreigner, white, black, whatever... doesn't necessarily help you out... There are women that like foriegners and women that don't want to have anything to do with them whatsoever... You don't have to generally be attractive to win over a lovely lady... I've seen some of the ugliest white guys with very beautiful women out here... I wonder how they do it, as they can't communicate in either Japanese or English most of the time... so, if they have their charming wiles, they won't be able to use them... Whatever.

Romance in Japan, just as in any country, is just a crap shoot... You win some, you lose some...

I live out here... but, I've found out that only gay Japanese men, middle school girls, and maybe 3 pretty women are attracted to me... Ah, what a sad life I live... Whatever, though.. it's not like I'm looking for anyone...



Yea, my photos... so, now you know that if you look somewhat like me, you're going to attract gay men Doh!


really? it's not such a big deal with the kiss and hug. i don't know why, but many do make a big deal out of it. maybe where you live they don't, so lucky you, then there are no misunderstandings. but there are many places where the girls are strict with who can kiss and hug them. some people are still very old fashion. some guys even have said that if a girl allows him to kiss and hug her, then he feels he can take advantage because he believes she wants more than a "friendly" kiss and hug.

i agree with you on the part of going to Japan to enjoy being in Japan. shouldn't go there to bed someone and then leave them because that is really bad and really cold.

can't respond anymore... continue to respond later. got things to do.
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Ayachan



Joined: 28 May 2005
Posts: 136


PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

hikki wrote:


That's a joke... seriously... it's not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. I hug and kiss a lot of my friends out here, and they hug and kiss me... It's not a big deal... most of the time.

You don't have to generally be attractive to win over a lovely lady... I've seen some of the ugliest white guys with very beautiful women out here... I wonder how they do it, as they can't communicate in either Japanese or English most of the time... so, if they have their charming wiles, they won't be able to use them... Whatever.

I live out here... but, I've found out that only gay Japanese men, middle school girls, and maybe 3 pretty women are attracted to me... Ah, what a sad life I live... Whatever, though.. it's not like I'm looking for anyone...



Yea, my photos... so, now you know that if you look somewhat like me, you're going to attract gay men Doh!



why did you add " most of the time" at the end of the first paragraph up there ?
something bad happened to you ?

you are right you mustn't be like tom cruise or brad pitt to actually get to have a girl friend ...... but brd pitt and tom cruise are famous all around the world so if you want to be popular..it wouldn't be a bad thing hehe
at least you have the 3 pretty women that are attracted to you .not that bad ......as maybe for some others you can't figure out ....

i don't get it ...why gay J-men would be attracted to you especially ?it seems you get a bit depressed about love and romance in your last post ...don't worry things will get better , so cheer up ! Victory! Peace!
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gambit06



Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 6
Location: United States
Country: United States

PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 12:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

I'll only be there for a month this time, but it's supposed to be so I can decide whether or not to try to come back for a full year with JET. So it's not as cold as you might think.
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aishetru



Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Posts: 108


PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 1:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

in any type of relationship it is always good to go at a natural pace.

but then there are some people who have only met for one day and get married the same day and are married for 60 years. but those are very rare cases.

but still in any kind of relationship it is always good to get to know a person first and then take it from there.

just my opinion.
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von



Joined: 30 Mar 2005
Posts: 525


PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

to meet each other for a day and married for the next 60 years will be the best cinderella story ending.....

it sounds like a 1 in 100,000,000 case.
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いつまでも、堤真一の世界に住んでいます!!! Dancing hehe
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aishetru



Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Posts: 108


PostPosted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 1:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote Back to top

hikki wrote:


Being a foreigner, white, black, whatever... doesn't necessarily help you out... There are women that like foriegners and women that don't want to have anything to do with them whatsoever... You don't have to generally be attractive to win over a lovely lady... I've seen some of the ugliest white guys with very beautiful women out here... I wonder how they do it, as they can't communicate in either Japanese or English most of the time... so, if they have their charming wiles, they won't be able to use them... Whatever.

I live out here... but, I've found out that only gay Japanese men, middle school girls, and maybe 3 pretty women are attracted to me... Ah, what a sad life I live... Whatever, though.. it's not like I'm looking for anyone...



Yea, my photos... so, now you know that if you look somewhat like me, you're going to attract gay men Doh!


yeah agree with you that there are some gaijin who are very UNattractive and yet they are with very very very beautiful women. i don't know what it is about them that women like. but from my experience with Asian guys who are not attractive, i've found great attraction towards them, why attracted to the UNattractive Asian guys, there are qualities that a person may have that the most handsome gorgeous Asian guy might not have. it's hard to explain because i had gone out with a guy that was considered very UNattractive (someone told me he looked like Go Morita from V6, whom i find great attraction towards, don't ask, it must be the bad boy image, but i think Go Morita is cute, very cute) the guy that i went out with was nice, smart, witty. always knew how to make me laugh.

middle school girls are attracted to you is not a bad thing... it's just that you cannot go out with them cuz they are not adult age (i assume that you are much older than them), 3 pretty women attracted to you is good, what is wrong with 3? some guys don't even get 1. well as for the gay guys being attracted to you... aiyo Sad but you think you have the look that gay guys get attracted to? i don't know. by the looks of your pics, you look like a bouncer at a night club... hope you don't get mad at me for saying that... it's considered a compliment... bouncers get a lot of ladies liking them at the clubs.
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