View topic - Byakuyakou

Those kids, they have done a lot of inhuman doings, they said It themself: "We're despicable, too despicable to make people want to look away!", they have between them a relationship that's also very not-human, a love that went beyond everything, even jealousy from love itself. In their world there's no sun, the only thing bright each one of them have is other. So they keep trying, keep suffering to make other happy.

When someone asks me: "They fall in love at 11 years old???", I would always say: "No, I don't think It's actually love!". It's just a kind of relationship, an attraction based on sympathize. But their lack-of-love lives turn It into something different from normal sympathize. It makes them take each others as indispensable, unique, the only sun. And that exchange murder ties their lives together. That relationship must turn into love within that 7 years not seeing each others, since It's unbreakable and too obsessing, specially when those 7 years is hard to both of them. When I think about It, They wouldn't love each others that much if they wasn't living a life that hard, and the exchange murder didn't happen. They are both really smart, and I don't think smart people tend to dedicate their life just for someone. Well, they must be always asking "if?" too!

I read a comment about this drama, It's a pretty high rated comment, but I didn't rate for It since the author asked: "Do they love each others?" and then answered His/herself: "Yes!". Well, for me that's out of question, I wondered why that author can ask such an obvious question, even if It was for impression, It made me feel uneasy. They love each others crazily, to the point that they can give everything up just for each others. They threw away their conscience, their right to commit suicide and even their love for other's happiness. They committed inhuman crimes for each others. They wanted to die, Ryouji, when He took "pictures" of those girls, everytime He committed crimes, He wanted to die. I think He must be much happier if He can die. But He stopped himself just because of Yukiho's dream, to be able to walking hand-in-hand under the sun, and then He lets himself tortured by those crimes he made. Yukiho too, she wanted to die, a lot, when Ryouji died. But she can't, because if she does so, everything Ryouji has done will go to waste. So she has to continue to live in that living hell. They won't even ask to be loved by each others. Ryouji, firstly, got extremely angry and jealous when He thought that Yukiho loves Shinozuka (That author also said that Yukiho liked Shinozuka, based on those eyes when she saw him off, and from what she has done to his girlfriend. Well, she was just after his fortune, to be able to free Ryouji from that ghost-life, and she was just too angry when her plan shattered just because of that girl's good personality, something that It's not she doesn't have, but she can't have). But then afterward, He stepped back, even helped Yukiho in her marriage. He doesn't even need himself to be loved. That's also why He doesn't go far with Noriko, even when She accepted him completely, something that's luxurious for Ryouji, "Because You won't be happy, I'm afraid that that person will harm your future, I'm afraid of everyone who can harm your future.".

I admire that love, a lot. Me, I never think that I can get myself into a love like this. But what a shame, such a pure, strong love can't be paid off. I used to hear that "If You don't love yourself, You won't be able to love others.". I don't think so, I think that even if You hate yourself to the point that You can go kill yourself anytime, You can love others, You can love very deeply. Just that You won't be able to express your love rightly, that You won't know how to love rightly. Those two are like that. They hate themself very much, to the point that their body naturally refuses to leave childrens (when Ryouji leave a child behind, I think that Noriko's words touched him and made him love himself a little bit, at the moment). Their love is too strong, but they can't express It, they don't know how to love, that's why they keep throwing everything away for other. They just don't know how much other will be suffering when they throw themself away like that, they just don't know that their happiness is other's happiness as well. Their love, firstly seems to be very indulgent, but in the end, It's a pure selfish love. And they keep dragging each others deeper and deeper into a black hole with no return. I always think that if they could love themself, just a little bit, they could have be hiding somewhere to be together, or give themself up. But for them, the road under the sun for other is too important, that's why they got separated and keep hurting each others by making themself hurt.

The only ray of light in the ending of this drama is that they knew that they love each others, that they're being loved by their dearest. Ryouji confessed to Yukiho, and read Yukiho's words about himself being her "most valuable person", that she "will never let him go again". That's why He said to Sasagaki that "because she's my sun, and I, I'm her sun!". Before, Ryouji thought that Yukiho didn't love him, He could die knowing that she loves him very much, just as much as He loves her, die seeing her walking into a road of light. That's good for him, He died smiling. I hope that after being able to hold that (his, hopefully) child's hand under the sun at the 11 november 2006, Yukiho can go kill herself. I know that I'm being weird and pessimist, but I want her to kill herself rather than tell the truth. That way, everything they have done to cover their crimes will pay off, and she can be happy with him by her side, even if It's in hell. Well, they may be used to hell that hell itself will be nothing to them!

I really like Yamada Takayuki's acting here. He can portray the smart and cool Ryouji, but also the weak and shy Ryouji, the Ryouji that lived as a ghost, also the Ryouji that walked nonchalantly under the sun, the young Ryouji that's afraid of everything, that let his emotions control everything, but also the Ryouji that already threw away everything, calmly accepts everything. The only thing that never change in Yamada Takayuki's Ryouji is the dark and sad sensation expressed from his eyes, but also the interminable gentleness in those eyes everytime he looks at Yukiho. He really has beautiful eyes, that must be a recompense for his not-really-attractive look.