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ahochaude
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 10291 Location: Matsuhama-cho, Ashiya-shi, Hyogo-ken, Japan Country: |
Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2003 9:14 am Post subject: |
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A man was driving down the interstate at 85 miles/hour with his new Porsche. A police officer observes him and begins a high speed pursuit. The man sees the policman in his rear view mirror and thought "Yabai!", so he proceeded to speed up and tried to outrun the cop. They were both zooming down the interstate at 180 miles/hour when the man suddenly came to his senses and thought that to avoid any more complications and problems, he should pull over. And pulled over he did.
When the officer approached the vehicle, he said, "You better have a damn good explaination why you were speeding away! You know that you stand with more against you now because of your speeding away?!"
The guy replied, "The reason why I ran is because, you see, 2 months ago my wife left me and ran off with a cop. When I saw you in my rear view mirror, I thought you were trying to bring her back!"
The officer replied, "Oh, I see. Have a nice day!"
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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juliana_phang
Joined: 14 Dec 2001 Posts: 2416 Location: Le-Ciel, 1F,No.9 IS-Building, 1-13-6, Ebisu, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan 150-0013
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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lovelessemotion
Joined: 07 Apr 2002 Posts: 2495 Location: Wales Country: |
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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Hoshi
Joined: 07 Oct 2003 Posts: 239 Location: Singapore Country: |
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2003 9:59 am Post subject: |
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Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing�h.
Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Detroit Tigers have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.
Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off!
Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.
Q. What do Michael Jackson and a jockey have in common?
A. They both ride three year olds.
Q. What's the worst stain to try and remove from a little boy's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's makeup.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries.
Q. What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
A. Two 5 year olds.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson decide to have a boy of his own?
A. Because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 million a pop!
Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They're both 44 year old meat between 10 year old buns!
Q: What's black on the inside, white on the outside, and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson!
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi, the other got burnt doing coke.
Q: What was the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor started?
A: The Ignited Negro College Fund!
Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!
Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.
Q. Who is the greatest person ever?
A. Michael Jackson - he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.
Q. What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A. "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"
Q. What did Lisa-Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he proposed?
A. "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing -- no kids!"
Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A. About two dress sizes.
Q. What was Michael Jackson thinking on his wedding night?
A. "Now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own."
Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battleaxe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
A4. He touches her kids more than he touches her.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!
Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?
A. He knows how they feel.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A. You know, I feel like a new boy!
Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.
Q. Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A. Boys 'R Us.
Q. Why is Michael Jackson so tough?
A. He can lick any kid on the block.
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Little boy blue!
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!
Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 cub scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!"
Michael Jackson asked, "What about the children?"
The captain replied, "Screw the children!"
Michael Jackson looked around eagerly and said, "Do we have time?"
A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"
Michael Jackson asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
People get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2003 10:08 am Post subject: |
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Golgo_13
Joined: 23 Sep 2003 Posts: 206 Location: Los Angeles, USA Country: |
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Golgo_13
Joined: 23 Sep 2003 Posts: 206 Location: Los Angeles, USA Country: |
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mizune
Joined: 03 Nov 2003 Posts: 102
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2003 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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One of the few things I saved from college...
Call me sick, but I get a kick out of this every time I read it...
==================================
I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not
allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
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pinky
Joined: 21 Nov 2003 Posts: 10 Location: Singapore Country: |
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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juliana_phang
Joined: 14 Dec 2001 Posts: 2416 Location: Le-Ciel, 1F,No.9 IS-Building, 1-13-6, Ebisu, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan 150-0013
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Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2003 12:04 am Post subject: Re: Nice joke u have.:) |
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pinky wrote: | I have just joined this Jdorama, and i read ur posted jokes, its was funny .Hope u can continue it. |
yo pinky!
of course we'll continue
we r all hilarious ppl here
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2003 12:08 am Post subject: |
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You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
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