I think direct communication is crucial if you are serious about a woman...
But I don't think most quality women can be "won" without some 'games'... simply because there are too many obstacles that are historically and culturally in a woman's way when it comes to relationships with men.
The difference in that statement 20 years ago and now is that NOW "quality women" know it and are expected to combat it.
Direct communication "from the heart" with the absence of games makes a guy look either desperate, like a pushover, weak, or just needy in the eyes of many women... at least in much of urban America. It's definitely an epidemic here and sometimes they will milk you dry if they sense it ... (Sex and the City syndrome)
Also, for some (both male and female)... they seem to combat it through technology. It's pretty funny that many women and men would rather meet one another intimately (not necessarily sex) after a 1 hour chat through a dating service than if they were to meet for several weeks on end in brief face-to-face chats in a common bar or club.
Joined: 08 Oct 2004 Posts: 2560 Location: San Leandro, CA Country:
Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 1:16 pm Post subject:
Ushiroyubi wrote:
I think direct communication is crucial if you are serious about a woman...
But I don't think most quality women can be "won" without some 'games'... simply because there are too many obstacles that are historically and culturally in a woman's way when it comes to relationships with men.
The difference in that statement 20 years ago and now is that NOW "quality women" know it and are expected to combat it.
Direct communication "from the heart" with the absence of games makes a guy look either desperate, like a pushover, weak, or just needy in the eyes of many women... at least in much of urban America. It's definitely an epidemic here and sometimes they will milk you dry if they sense it ... (Sex and the City syndrome)
Also, for some (both male and female)... they seem to combat it through technology. It's pretty funny that many women and men would rather meet one another intimately (not necessarily sex) after a 1 hour chat through a dating service than if they were to meet for several weeks on end in brief face-to-face chats in a common bar or club.
haha... sorry for the rant.
No problem...I think a lot of what you say is true.
I always speak to women directly. I'm not insensitive, but I'm not going to play verbal games. I think doing so is an insult to women and the feminist movement. If women don't like it, so be it. _________________
No problem...I think a lot of what you say is true.
I always speak to women directly. I'm not insensitive, but I'm not going to play verbal games. I think doing so is an insult to women and the feminist movement. If women don't like it, so be it.
The feminist movement? It's pretty hard to not insult the feminist movement when it comes to trying to "pick up" a woman. Honestly, it's a chore in this day and age simply because people in many societies are "on guard" for all the wrong reasons.
bmwracer wrote:
At least it's not about politics.
lol... yeah, that seems to be working itself out quite well, though. _________________
Maybe. I've never been that good with words personally
Being able to talk to a woman directly helps. But it's never that easy.
right, it isn't easy, especially when big time feelings are involved. I think it could become easier if the comfort level is high, and there is a good connection. It also depends on the person's personality.
I think direct communication is crucial if you are serious about a woman...
But I don't think most quality women can be "won" without some 'games'... simply because there are too many obstacles that are historically and culturally in a woman's way when it comes to relationships with men.
The difference in that statement 20 years ago and now is that NOW "quality women" know it and are expected to combat it.
Direct communication "from the heart" with the absence of games makes a guy look either desperate, like a pushover, weak, or just needy in the eyes of many women... at least in much of urban America. It's definitely an epidemic here and sometimes they will milk you dry if they sense it ... (Sex and the City syndrome)
Also, for some (both male and female)... they seem to combat it through technology. It's pretty funny that many women and men would rather meet one another intimately (not necessarily sex) after a 1 hour chat through a dating service than if they were to meet for several weeks on end in brief face-to-face chats in a common bar or club.
haha... sorry for the rant.
i do fully agree, one hour intimately is a lot more than a few face-to-face chats over the course of several weeks....
I think that direct communication from the heart is crucial is and can be look upon as being honest and that is a good thing, too much deception out there and too much indirectness. I think being upfront is being real and in some way shows strength so in that regard i might have to disagree. I would guess a woman would want a man that knows what he wants, and exerts some level of confidence and assertiveness. Meekness, and being indecisive shows a weakness in character. But i do agree in someway there has to be, how should i say some hesistation to a degree, i don't like to call it walls but some may refer it that way. Games, i partially agree. A person that is too easy and way too open is a bad thing too, so in essense, in that way maybe games, or being not too forward can be a good thing. To me it is reading the other person, and showing some mystery, letting them gradually, yet knowing what you want. Games i mean, not seeing three other people simulataneous, behind their back, well, casual dating i suppose that would not be really cheating since it is not yet exclusive dating.
so, does the girl have to play hard-to-get, to motivate the man to become more hot on pursuit or more eagar to get him to put himself on the line, doing more of the pursuit, work....or is this her way of saying, i am not interesting in you, next....
in your defintion then, what is, "games" to a woman's heart, and what are these culturally and historically obstacles that men need to know more about women, and which then makes men wonder and become even more clueless. If only things could be more direct, more real, with less games. Do they want us to pursue them, or run for the hills, cause i sometimes feel like running, with no signs of interest, why waste my time then. I hate this uncertainty phase of dating. shit, am i that boring?! lol ok i am ranting too. i think i said a lot.
Well, I only have two more points to make on this topic...
1) That's why Japanese girls are so cool. There's no bs'ing around. It's love at first sight, a short courtship, and then a lifetime of marital happiness. That is, unless the J-Girl is in between college and her first job.
2) And even if we don't have real girlfriends, we have the girls from Buono!, Morning Musume, and AKB48.
Joined: 25 Mar 2007 Posts: 256 Location: San Antonio, TX Country:
Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject:
my humble contribution to this thread:
I was over at a cousin's birthday party not too long ago. Had a conversation with uncles and aunts and the topic of "marriage" came up since I'm approaching the age of 30 years. The tables were turned and had to elaborate why I'm still not married since most of my cousins my age have a family of their own already. yep, It's a huge family tree, must be a Filipino thing.
so my response was "i found her already (see my signature), but she lives 100,000 miles away and doesn't know a thing about me" (talk about perpetual one-sided love, mytes. it's tough, heh.)
anyways, so then an uncle who's almost 70 years old, married for 40 something years to the same woman (they have 6 children) gave me pat on the shoulder and said "just keep waiting. stop looking, don't worry, be patient, always available and open. don't rush yourself. the time will come when you'll meet that woman you want you spend the rest of your life with, who you can enjoy with seeing your kids grow up. it may take 5, 10 or 15 years, but that day will come. be ready to grab it. "
I was over at a cousin's birthday party not too long ago. Had a conversation with uncles and aunts and the topic of "marriage" came up since I'm approaching the age of 30 years. The tables were turned and had to elaborate why I'm still not married since most of my cousins my age have a family of their own already. yep, It's a huge family tree, must be a Filipino thing.
so my response was "i found her already (see my signature), but she lives 100,000 miles away and doesn't know a thing about me" (talk about perpetual one-sided love, mytes. it's tough, heh.)
anyways, so then an uncle who's almost 70 years old, married for 40 something years to the same woman (they have 6 children) gave me pat on the shoulder and said "just keep waiting. stop looking, don't worry, be patient, always available and open. don't rush yourself. the time will come when you'll meet that woman you want you spend the rest of your life with, who you can enjoy with seeing your kids grow up. it may take 5, 10 or 15 years, but that day will come. be ready to grab it. "
couldn't agree more!
"always available and open" and "don't rush yourself", and "time will come..." those are words i partially agree with, ok it is said that good things happen to those who wait, yeah...but doing nothing at the same time won't help you find her, as if she will mysteriously appear and land on your lap and walk down that aisle. There has to be some proactiveness on your part, and risk taking. What is trying too hard, ok maybe going overboard, bars, excessively, trying to pick up every girl, to get whatever out of it. Or dating more selectively, but taking some risks. Hey i am by doing online dating. She won't come to me sitting at home, so, i think going out there, making yourself available, and known, will defintely help. How much waiting who knows, but she won't come to you if you do nothing, so i do believe being proactive and going out there will help.
and being 29 is not as bad as being mid-30's, but life is what you make it, and being content and hopeful is what we all could ask for, right?
Joined: 31 Mar 2007 Posts: 3930 Location: �p���_�N�ƔL�B Country:
Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:37 pm Post subject:
bmwracer wrote:
Gomen, but I've heard that before.
Well, it doesn't help that people give me candies and pastries all the time to probably fatten me up. So I can't let them go to waste, can I?
qilver wrote:
thanks....
i suppose when all the junk is flowing out, it just flows out in words..
honestly on the topic of dating, relationshps, i can wrote a novel of all the stuff, ideas, thoughts in my head,...the novel wouldn't be very organized as i am not a writer, but the words would bolt out of my mind.
If you do write a novel about relationships, I'd buy it.
bmwracer wrote:
Through her.........?
You are more perverted than I thought. Or is it just my interpretation of what you said? _________________
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 10291 Location: Matsuhama-cho, Ashiya-shi, Hyogo-ken, Japan Country:
Posted: Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:10 pm Post subject:
bmwracer wrote:
Never say never... That always tempts fate.
Touche.
As of now, I am STUCK onto that decision. No more weddings, cakes, rings, and whining wives bothering me.
I get enough stress from the 3 women I'm seeing right now, as it is.
At least I have an excuse to evade them, being that I'm not married to them, more or less going "steady' with them.
Being committed to a women where you have to go home to her every night..... well, I just don't see that happening (ever) again. _________________
I think direct communication is crucial if you are serious about a woman...
But I don't think most quality women can be "won" without some 'games'... simply because there are too many obstacles that are historically and culturally in a woman's way when it comes to relationships with men.
The difference in that statement 20 years ago and now is that NOW "quality women" know it and are expected to combat it.
Direct communication "from the heart" with the absence of games makes a guy look either desperate, like a pushover, weak, or just needy in the eyes of many women... at least in much of urban America. It's definitely an epidemic here and sometimes they will milk you dry if they sense it ... (Sex and the City syndrome)
Also, for some (both male and female)... they seem to combat it through technology. It's pretty funny that many women and men would rather meet one another intimately (not necessarily sex) after a 1 hour chat through a dating service than if they were to meet for several weeks on end in brief face-to-face chats in a common bar or club.
haha... sorry for the rant.
I don't like games. I don't like the element of manipulation of one's feelings and emotions. I'd rather something straight foward, clear, and from the heart. Mebbe that's why I'm still single?
qilver wrote:
right, it isn't easy, especially when big time feelings are involved. I think it could become easier if the comfort level is high, and there is a good connection. It also depends on the person's personality.
Yes! Personality and comfort are key.
Mind you, I don't know myself well enough to get into a relationship and trust my instincts. I've never been in a "real" relationship before, and I've only ever had three crushes in my entire life (one very recently). For all I was disgustingly disillusioned (though thankfully).
I do agree that you have to proactive, but I think one needs to be highly motivated as well. I don't mind being single. I'd like to be romantically involved. I have patience. I have no hope. _________________
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Register
Log in
