Where we get the great tasting chips from Frito Lay......

http://www.uploadit.org/ahochaude/WhereFri.jpg





*edit* I took off the image tags 'cause perhaps some people may get grossed out by it. If you click on the link, don't say I didn't warn you.

ahochaude wrote:

Where we get the great tasting chips from Frito Lay...... http://www.uploadit.org/ahochaude/WhereFri.jpg *edit* I took off the image tags 'cause perhaps some people may get grossed out by it. If you click on the link, don't say I didn't warn you.

Eeewww...yuck....groosssssss now I feel ill after looking at it.. But it was funny...

Akakage wrote:

Eeewww...yuck....groosssssss now I feel ill after looking at it.. But it was funny...

Funny and nasty!!!

Dangers of Masterbation.....

A few minutes before the church services started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Satan walked up to the old man and said "Don't you know who I am?" "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't." "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" " Don't doubt it for a minute." "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity??" "Yep," was the calm reply. " And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope." More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied,"Been married to your sister for 60 years."
_________________

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in
white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and
today is the happiest day of her life." The child
thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is
the groom wearing black?"

~
Two guys were walking home late one night after a party, and they decided to take a short-cut through the cemetary. As they were walking they began to hear a tapping noise. They crept around the cemetary, looking around for where the sound might be coming from. Finally, they saw a man kneeling in front a headstone, with a hammer and chisel.

"My god mister, you scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost or something." The first guy said.

"What are you doing out here?" The second asked.

"Darn fools." The man replied, "They spelled my name wrong."

~
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to
take a pee and he was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the bathroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."

~
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter - ten men and one woman.

The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off. Otherwise they were all going to fall. They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

Why do Arabs commit suicide?

Everyone in the world asks why Arab terrorists and not those from other nationalities are always so anxious to kill themselves.

Well, if we analyze the following:

1) No premarital sex allowed
2) No prositutes
3) No alcoholic drinks
4) No bars
5) No TV
6) No Net
7) No sports, stadiums, parties, etc.
8) No honking horns
9) No eating pork
10) Sand all around you and not even a buggy to drive on it and have fun
11) Ever tried to fish in an oasis?
12) Shabby clothes.
13) Eating can only be done with the right hand (because with the other you wipe your rear end, as if life weren't complicated already)
14) Your neighbor crying in agony cuz he's sick and there's no doctor for him.
15) You cannot shave.
16) You cannot shower.
17) No foreign music allowed.
18) No radio.
19) Barbecues are made with donkey meat burned over camel skin...
20) Women have to use dresses that look like bags, plus veils all the time.
21) Your wife is picked by someone else...
22) She keeps herself so covered that it takes 6 months for you to realize she has a beard.
23) Women make tails with their pubic hair...

And then, someone tells you convincingly, that when you die you'll go to heaven and you'll have everything you always wanted and could not have on Earth,

really, wouldn't you want to commit suicide?

good point, uwf! This one is about a nude jogger:

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's
got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started
running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as
best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been
watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you
always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope.........just when it's raining!"

_________________

A Blonde Finally wins!

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Mommy, mommy

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, It's because your blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"

"No Honey, Its because you're 24."

A Blonde Goes to the Library?

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

3 blondes jump off a building ...


Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.

A very successful lawyer parked his...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side.

The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don''t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"

Blond with a cell phone

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.
The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.

It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?"

She replied, "Great...but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"

Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asked her friend "how could I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?"
Her friend says, "First learn all the provinces and their capitals."

So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the anwser!"

Then the man said " What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde?"

Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals."

Then the man said, " Okay, Saskatchewan."

The blonde started to grin.

"What are you grinning about?" said the man.

The blonde said, "Easy. S."