m0m0e wrote:

one of my fav!!taken from other forum... (if you guys are familiar with these people/characters, they're taken from some of their well-know phrases/saying)..some of 'em are quite amusing..

Hilarious!! Thanx

And now since we're on the subject of chickens and eggs....
a chicken and egg joke.......

Three reasons why you wouldnt want to be an egg....

1) You only get laid once.
2) You only get eaten once.
3) and it takes you 15 minutes to get hard....

I heard that in high school.... is that too risque, Beem? :headscracth:

Eve wrote:

I heard that in high school.... is that too risque, Beem? :headscracth:

You mean hearing it in high school?

bmwracer wrote:

You mean hearing it in high school?

I meant I heard that ONE in H.S.!!

Hit Television Shows in Iraq

1. "Husseinfeld"

2. "Mad About Everything"

3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

4. "Suddenly Sanctions"

5. "Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest"

6. "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"

7. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

8. "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

9. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

10. "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"

11. M*U*S*T*A*S*H

12. "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"

13. "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Mosque"

14. "When Kurds Attack"

15. "Just Shoot Me"

16. "My Two Baghdads"

17. "Diagnosis Heresy"

18. "Everybody Loves Saddam Or He'll Have Them Shot"

19. "Captured Iranian Soldiers Scream the Darndest Things"

20. "Two Guys, a Girl and a Fatwah"

Kids' answers on how do you decide who to marry??..

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
(written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?


Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?


You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her.
-- Ricky, age 10

m0m0e wrote:

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her. -- Ricky, age 10

_________________

Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this
money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said.
"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS !" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my
husband and me tonight."

The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband
be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.

She's damn sexy.
_________________

At a cocktail party, the curvaceous blonde was the center of attention. Standing in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by almost every man there. Finally, one woman turned to her husband and said, "I just don't see what they see in her." "I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room. "I'll take a closer look!"
_________________

tabana wrote:

At a cocktail party, the curvaceous blonde was the center of attention. Standing in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by almost every man there. Finally, one woman turned to her husband and said, "I just don't see what they see in her." "I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room. "I'll take a closer look!"

tabana wrote:

At a cocktail party, the curvaceous blonde was the center of attention. Standing in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by almost every man there. Finally, one woman turned to her husband and said, "I just don't see what they see in her." "I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room. "I'll take a closer look!"

LOL.

tabana wrote:

At a cocktail party, the curvaceous blonde was the center of attention. Standing in the middle of the room, she was surrounded by almost every man there. Finally, one woman turned to her husband and said, "I just don't see what they see in her." "I don't either," replied her husband as he started across the room. "I'll take a closer look!"

_________________

Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

Another couple joke.

One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door. "See how devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I'd love to," replied her husband, "but wouldn't he'd get mad?"
_________________

tabana wrote:

Another couple joke. One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door. "See how devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I'd love to," replied her husband, "but wouldn't he'd get mad?"

tabana wrote:

Another couple joke. One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door. "See how devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I'd love to," replied her husband, "but wouldn't he'd get mad?"

LOL.

tabana wrote:

Another couple joke. One evening, a wife drew her husband's attention to the couple next door. "See how devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I'd love to," replied her husband, "but wouldn't he'd get mad?"

LOL! That joke reminded me of this one:

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5...10...15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here every Tuesdays and Thursdays."
_________________

Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)

Wynter wrote:

LOL! That joke reminded me of this one: After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5...10...15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here every Tuesdays and Thursdays."

LOL.

Hilarious.
_________________

Another gem from the sacred courtroom.

Court Clerk: Please repeat after me, "I swear by Almighty God..."
Witness: I swear by Almighty God...
Clerk: That the evidence I give...
Witness: That's right...
Clerk: Repeat it.
Witness: Repeat it.
Clerk: No! Repeat what I said.
Witness: What you said when?
Clerk: "That the evidence that I give...:
Witness: That the evidence that I give...
Clerk: "Shall be the truth and..."
Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth!
Clerk: Please. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the true and..."
Witness: I'm not a scholar, you know.
Clerk: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and..."
Witness: Shall be the truth and...
Clerk: Say, "Nothing..."
Witness: Okay. [Remains silent]
Clerk: No! Don't say nothing. Say, "Nothing but the truth?"
Witness: Yes.
Clerk: Can you say, "Nothing but the truth"?
Witness: Yes.
Clerk: Well? ...Do so.
Witness: You are confusing me.
Clerk: Just say, "Nothing but the truth?"
Witness: Is that all?
Clerk: Yes.
Witness: Okay, I understand.
Clerk: Then say it.
Witness: What?
Clerk: "Nothing but the truth?"
Witness: But I do! That's just it.
Clerk: You must say, "Nothing but the truth?"
Witness: I will say nothing but the truth!
Clerk: Please, just repeat these four words:
"Nothing." "But." "The." "Truth."
Witness: What? You mean, like, now?
Clerk: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
Witness: "Nothing. But. The. Truth."
Clerk: Thank you.
Witness: I'm just not a scholar, you know.

thtl wrote:

Another gem from the sacred courtroom. Court Clerk: Please repeat after me, "I swear by Almighty God..." Witness: I swear by Almighty God... Clerk: That the evidence I give... Witness: That's right... Clerk: Repeat it. Witness: Repeat it. Clerk: No! Repeat what I said. Witness: What you said when? Clerk: "That the evidence that I give...: Witness: That the evidence that I give... Clerk: "Shall be the truth and..." Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth! Clerk: Please. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the true and..." Witness: I'm not a scholar, you know. Clerk: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, "Shall be the truth and..." Witness: Shall be the truth and... Clerk: Say, "Nothing..." Witness: Okay. [Remains silent] Clerk: No! Don't say nothing. Say, "Nothing but the truth?" Witness: Yes. Clerk: Can you say, "Nothing but the truth"? Witness: Yes. Clerk: Well? ...Do so. Witness: You are confusing me. Clerk: Just say, "Nothing but the truth?" Witness: Is that all? Clerk: Yes. Witness: Okay, I understand. Clerk: Then say it. Witness: What? Clerk: "Nothing but the truth?" Witness: But I do! That's just it. Clerk: You must say, "Nothing but the truth?" Witness: I will say nothing but the truth! Clerk: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing." "But." "The." "Truth." Witness: What? You mean, like, now? Clerk: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words. Witness: "Nothing. But. The. Truth." Clerk: Thank you. Witness: I'm just not a scholar, you know.

That witness sounds like a few of my students.
_________________

Wanna trade? My Drama List (UPDATED: July, 2013)