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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
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Golgo_13
Joined: 23 Sep 2003 Posts: 206 Location: Los Angeles, USA Country: |
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Hoshi
Joined: 07 Oct 2003 Posts: 239 Location: Singapore Country: |
Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2004 9:06 am Post subject: |
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ahochaude
Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 10291 Location: Matsuhama-cho, Ashiya-shi, Hyogo-ken, Japan Country: |
Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2004 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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Golgo_13 wrote: | The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
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I like sex.
But good puns, nonetheless.
Besides, where've you been lately?! _________________
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2004 1:08 am Post subject: |
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Tung Chee Hwa (Chief Executive), Regina Yip our (Secretary of Security) and Anthony Leung (Secretary of Finance) were on a plane flying over Hong Kong, as there is nowhere they can go without being jeered at.
Chief Secretary Tung wistfully thinks about how rich he is. He said, "Look, since the economy is so bad, how about I donate a hundred dollars, throw it out the window. I am sure I can make one person happy."
Regina replies, "The Hong Kong people won't know the difference between a hundred and fifty anyway. We throw out two fifties then two people will be happy when it lands."
Finance Secretary Anthony thinks about this, and says, "Well, they don't need that much, how about we throw out ten 10 dollars bills. We can make ten people happy."
The three of them gets excited about this, thinking this would help their image.
They walk to the top of the plane, approach the pilot to ask for a "clarification" of how best to implement it.
The pilot listens, considers his options, and replies, "I have an idea! We can make a lot more people happy. I think you should listen."
The three of them discusses it for three minutes, and decides maybe it's worth a try.
The pilot goes, "It's simple. I push all three of you out the window. Straight away, that would make seven million people happy."
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Precious Bamboo
Joined: 10 Jan 2004 Posts: 221 Location: USA Country: |
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kazuichikun
Joined: 07 Oct 2003 Posts: 247
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Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2004 2:33 pm Post subject: |
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lol, these are all so good...ill put in my two cents...
4 guys go to heaven. god asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?" the first man answers, "5 times." god then says, "okay" and awards him with a 1985 honda civic. god then asks the second guy the same question, "how many times did u cheat on your wife?" the second guy replies, "3 times." god then says "not bad" and gives him a brand new toyota camry. the third guy is then asked the same question and replies, "only once." god says, "good" and gives him a nice new mercedes benz. and finally the last guy is asked by god "how many times have u cheated on your wife?" the guy then replies. "0 times"...the lord is impressed and gives him the most expensive rolls royce limousine with a driver. so, after that the 4th guy is being driven down the street in heaven sipping fine champagne. he rolls down his window to get some fresh air and then sees his wife rolling buy on a tricycle.....
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zchendevlemh
Joined: 28 Nov 2002 Posts: 3286 Location: Ten Carat 5-19-1 Hiroo, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo 150-0012, Japan Country: |
Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:31 am Post subject: |
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Various crappy eng. statements of filipinos
"Well well well. Look do we have here!"
"It's a no-win-win situation."
"Burn the bridge when you get there."
"Anulled and void."
"Mute and academic."
"C'mon let's join us!"
"If worse comes to shove."
"Are you joking my leg?"
"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."
"You can never can tell."
"Been there, been that."
"Forget it about it."
"Give him the benefit of the daw."
"It's a blessing in the sky."
"Right there and right then."
"Where'd you came from?"
"Take things first at a time."
"You're barking at the wrong dog."
"You want to have your cake and bake it too."
"First and for all."
"Now and there."
"I'm only human nature."
"The sky's the langit."
"That's what I'm talking about it."
"One of these days is not like the other."
"So far, so good, so far."
"Time is of the elements."
"In the wink of an eye."
"The feeling is actual."
"For all intense and purposes."
"I ran into some errands."
"Hi. I'm , what's yours?"
"What is the world is coming to?"
"What is the next that is?"
"Get the most of both worlds."
"Whatever you say so."
"Base-to-base casis."
"My answers have been prayered."
"Please me alone!"
'It's as brand as new."
"So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."
"I can't take it anymore of this!"
"Can't you just cut me some slacks?"
another more
1. I couldn't care a damn!
2. What's your next class before this? (NANI???!!!)
3. Nothing in this world is perfect except the word "change"
4. Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from
the top? (lets repeat it until we die !)
5. My dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs!
6. Standard and Chartered Bank
7. I'm very iterated!!!
8. I'm sorry, my boss just passed away.
9. Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?
10. What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?
11. Don't touch me not!
12. Hello?... For a while, please hang yourself...
13. Its spilled milk under the bridge.
14. Don't change anything! Keep it at ease.
15. Hello McDo? i would like to inquire on the price of kidney
meal? (i think it's kiddie meal)
16. You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore! (coach?!
coach?!)
17. i'm out of fit these days eh...
18. Come, lets join us!
19. Bring down the house down!
20. I'm the world champion of the World!!!
21. Beneath the Belt!
22. Rule of Hand... (i thin k it's a thumb)
23. Can you repeat it once again?
24. looks like haggard-looking.
25. Do you have more brighter ideas?
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zchendevlemh
Joined: 28 Nov 2002 Posts: 3286 Location: Ten Carat 5-19-1 Hiroo, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo 150-0012, Japan Country: |
Posted: Wed Jul 21, 2004 11:43 am Post subject: |
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Family Problems?
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.
One of them kept complaining of family problems.
Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen
my situation."
"A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got
married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my
stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother.
And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her
father-in-law."
"Much later the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.
This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was
also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.
That made me the grand-father of my half-brother."
"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my
son, my stepmother, is also the Grandmother. This makes my father, the
brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my
stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my
father's nephew & I am my OWN GRANDFATHER!"
"And you think you have FAMILY PROBLEMS!?"
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Doramafan113
Joined: 10 Jan 2004 Posts: 630 Location: In front of tv watching Drama's.
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Posted: Thu Jul 22, 2004 12:24 am Post subject: |
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[ quote="ahochaude"]The Irate Customer
For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! quote]
Sorry I am a little late joining this discussion. Loved this joke Aho-chan. _________________ From the Simpsons
Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.
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UWFShooter
Joined: 16 Jan 2002 Posts: 436 Location: New York F***in City!!! Country: |
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gahbryel
Joined: 20 Jul 2004 Posts: 33 Location: Canada, Quebec, Montreal Country: |
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Golgo_13
Joined: 23 Sep 2003 Posts: 206 Location: Los Angeles, USA Country: |
Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 2:25 am Post subject: The Birds and the Bees |
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A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!", the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"
Confused, the father asks, "What's wrong?"
"Oh Dad!", the boy sobs, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny speech'. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Tooth Fairy speech'. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
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RedRum
Joined: 23 Jul 2003 Posts: 343 Location: Ontario Country: |
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 1:04 pm Post subject: |
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RedRum wrote: | I've been reading about the many harmful effects of smoking so I decided to give up reading. |
u should give up smoking
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blender1184
Joined: 07 Dec 2003 Posts: 484 Location: So. California
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Michi
Joined: 10 Dec 2001 Posts: 3308 Location: cloud 9 Country: |
Posted: Sat Aug 14, 2004 1:54 pm Post subject: |
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