hey zchen, post some more ryoko pix....got any?
this thread is falling asleep among some others on here...
maybe if i can find some time and pix...
anyone?
Rantings of a Heartbroken Man Pt 1: Heartbreak Hirosue
I�fm not a Ryoko Hirosue fan. I�fm just MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER! The difference between being a fan of a pop idol and being a man in love with a woman that he can never have is that, while the fan untiringly scours the Net for every last morsel of information about the object of his admiration, the poor lovesick sap (read: me) desperately tries to forget the object of his adoration and get on with his life. That is one of the main reasons I don�ft keep myself updated with her private life. Then there�fs the little problem of language barrier. Most of the sources are in Japanese, which I find so difficult to read. Every time I go about the task of decoding a piece of Japanese text, I�fve to be armed with three dictionaries (including a humongous Nelson kanji one) and other grammar textbooks.
Imagine my shock when I stumbled upon the news on the Internet about her shotgun wedding!!! (I can�ft believe I got the news 14 months late! I must be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet. I feel bad enough as it is so please, there�fs no need to about bashing me. Please don�ft rub it in�c)
I was shocked. I was devastated. I was crushed. I felt a sickening tightening of my chest, like someone was sitting on it. I couldn�ft breathe. I was gasping for air. My heart thumped and thumped furiously inside my ribcage as if it was about to burst. I felt as if my heart was being stabbed over and over again. The veins in my head were pounding; I couldn�ft think. I looked at the mirror; my face was white and blank, without any hint of expression. My world has been shattered like the proverbial house of glass and everything is tumbling around me. I tried to scream but not a whisper escaped my lips. I tried to cry but not a single tear streamed down my cheeks. The pain was unbearable. It was so much worse than any bodily pain ever inflicted upon me in my entire life. My will to live was gone; pried from my fingers in that terrible instant. I was ready to collapse and die there and then. They would�fve found a rotting corpse, clutching his monitor. The autopsy report would�fve read, �gHe died from a broken heart�h. But I didn�ft. Somehow I survived. I felt the same way for days. Every time I think of her (just every second of every minute of every hour of every day), all those sickening feelings would come rushing out like a bursting dam and I would just freeze in my tracks. I can�ft eat. I can�ft sleep. Food tasted like cardboard to me. I find myself jolted up in the middle of the night in the pangs of a panic attack, gasping for air, struggling to breathe, with my heart pounding as if someone was squeezing it with his bare hands. Initially, upon finding out, it was shock and disbelief. Now it�fs grief and a terrible sense of helplessness and despair. I went through the whole gamut of emotions: shock, denial, grief, despair and yes, even rage. Despite all this feelings raging within me, threatening to tear me into a thousand pieces, there is a terrible sense of loss and emptiness inside. It�fs as if part of my soul has been torn from me. I can�ft smile anymore. My ability to feel joy is gone, perhaps forever. I�fm like a zombie, a walking corpse devoid of a soul. She had brought so much joy to my life. But now that joy has turned to pain. My life would be forever changed. I will never look at her the same way ever again; and that is the greatest tragedy.
It�fs been more than a week since and after seeing how happy she was about being a new wife and mother at the press conference, I feel somewhat at peace with it and have accepted it, though the pain hasn�ft subsided. If she�fs truly happy and found her true love, then I�fm genuinely happy for her, however hurt I may feel. (Happy and hurt at the same time, I�fd never thought that was possible.) I just want her to be happy; my own happiness is a distant second. It may take weeks to recover. It may take months. It may take years; even decades�cI doubt I�fll ever recover. How can you ever truly recover after losing the love of your life. I�fll go through life constantly thinking of her, forever carrying this thorn in my heart. Forever burdened with this terrible thing called love. Forever scarred by love lost. �gIt�fs better to love and lost than to have never love at all.�h I used to believe that. Now I�fm not so sure�c
I�fm glad I found this forum. I needed someplace to vent. I needed to pour my heart out. Not even those closest around me really have any inkling of how deep my devotion�cmy love�cmy adoration for this girl is. Sure, they may have gathered that I�fm just a �efan�f of hers. That I �elike�f her. That I have a �ecrush�f on her. (How could they not since I constantly gush about how great an actress she is, buy and watch her stuff religiously and have posters of her plastered all over my room.) There were many times before I was tempted to declare my undying love for this sweet angel to the whole world (well, to those people I know at least), but then good sense brought me back to earth; what would they think? �gThis guy�fs nuts.�h �gPoor pathetic, delusional fool.�h I�fll be a laughing stock. I�fll be snickered at and ridiculed for the rest of my life. �gGet a life, bozo�h, they might say. �gFind a real girl for pete�fs sake, wilya.�h (Speaking of good sense, I wish Ryoko had used her good sense�c*sigh*. But that�fs a whole �enother story.) They�fd send me to the shrink, or worse, have me committed! They would never understand. And thus I locked up all my feelings for her deep within the walls of my heart and bear it silently for the pass four and a half years. But now�cNormally I wouldn�ft have bared my soul in a public forum such as this, but this pain is too severe for me to bear alone. I can�ft stand it anymore�c I don�ft care anymore�c This is my soul laid bare, my declaration of love for Ryoko Hirosue for all posterity to witness!!! I�fm writing this as a therapy for me, sort of a healing process. I find it...cathartic.
On a lighter note, it�fs kinda comforting to know there are some people who feel (well, almost anyway) as devastated as I do. At least you guys can grasp what it feels like to carry a torch for someone you�fve never met before. It�fs like a support group for me. Bexpress, I know exactly how you felt when you first got the bad news. You�fre a man after my own heart. So, bexpress and ren, does it get any easier after a year? I better sign off now. I�fve taken enough of your time and the forum�fs space as it is. Thanks for reading. I�fm off to my dungeon to grief�c
(End of part one. I may be back with a sequel if there�fs a demand�c)
Rantings of a Heartbroken Man Pt 1: Heartbreak Hirosue
...bla...bla....a support group for me. Bexpress, I know exactly how you felt when you first got the bad news. You�fre a man after my own heart. So, bexpress and ren, does it get any easier after a year? I better sign off now. I�fve taken enough of your time and the forum�fs space as it is. Thanks for reading. I�fm off to my dungeon to grief�c
(End of part one. I may be back with a sequel if there�fs a demand�c)
*cough* OMFG!!! ..get a life dude! Ever considered consulting to a psychiatrist? Please..don't do a sequel...
Joined: 19 Aug 2003 Posts: 27 Location: Canada Country:
Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 10:49 pm Post subject:
heartbroken wrote:
Rantings of a Heartbroken Man Pt 1: Heartbreak Hirosue
On a lighter note, it�fs kinda comforting to know there are some people who feel (well, almost anyway) as devastated as I do. At least you guys can grasp what it feels like to carry a torch for someone you�fve never met before. It�fs like a support group for me. Bexpress, I know exactly how you felt when you first got the bad news. You�fre a man after my own heart. So, bexpress and ren, does it get any easier after a year?
Well, I can't speak for Ren, but I know that for myself, it has gotten easier for me. Partly because she hasn't done anything new for a while now, and partly because deep down inside, my willingness for her happiness is stronger than my undying love for her.
Actually, now that you know that she's married w/children, if you haven't seen her most recent movie "Collage Of Our Life" yet, now's a good time to do it, as it will be very therapeutic for you (at least is was for me...). Your love will be strengthened a little, and you'll be able to loosen your grip a tiny bit...just enough to accept the current circumstances of her life, but not too much that the emotional investment you've put in will be forfeit. Put another way, you won't have a grip so tight that your nails are digging in and making your hand bleed, but it will still be plenty firm enough so she won't slip out of your grip (metaphorically speaking of course).
No matter what happens, you won't stop loving her, you can take comfort in that. The time, money, and emotions that you've invested in her, will keep that love burning (though you may not show it openly as much as you used to) strong for a very long time. So stay strong! Time can be a healer, but only if you let it! I hope this helps, and I'm sorry that you're just finding out now! _________________
Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 602 Location: United Kingdom Country:
Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 7:52 am Post subject:
Oh man.... i've seen some pretty wild Hirosue fans but by god, heartbroken, sir, you take the goddamn cherry on top of the cream of the crop!!!! _________________
Himawari, yureru, taiyou no shita de..
Kanjiteita, kaze wo... kimi wo.
That�fs what I get fer having a heart worth breaking�c There REALLY are some cold heartless bastards out there, that�fs fer sure. Thx a lot, guys�c fer kicking a man while he�fs down! Have a little more sympathy, wilya!
@bexpress�cthx, man�cbut I don�ft think I�fll be enjoying any of her doramas, shashinshus, books, CDs, etc (at less for awhile)�cit�fs just too painful�c
It�fs not just the pre-marital pregnancy and marriage�cit�fs all this rumours I�fve heard �ebout her�cthat CAN�fT be true, can it? How can she stray so far? How can I�fve been so wrong?
I know you have a copy of No Make; doesn�ft she seem to be the epitome of innocence in her teenage years? (I�fve also read �eHiatari Ryoko�f and �eHirosue�f and watched numerous behind the scenes video footage like �eMaking of RH�f and her debut tour.) That�fs what endeared her to me, among many other things. I�fm so disappointed with her�chow can she ruined her reputation like that? Gomen ne, Ryoko-chan�c
My first impression of her was in Beach Boys, as the adorable, fun-loving, mischievous, sweet, innocent, pure, and virginal Makoto. Interestingly, she once said in �eHiatari Ryoko�f that was the role closest to her true personality. That�fs how I like to remember her.
No matter what she�fs done, I�fll still love her and also support her as a fan & give her the benefit of a doubt. GAMBATTE RYOKO-CHAN!!!!
@DragonSpirit164�cthat�fs me alright �cCho-Ki-Chigai Otoko no Hito!
That�fs what I get fer having a heart worth breaking�c There REALLY are some cold heartless bastards out there, that�fs fer sure. Thx a lot, guys�c fer kicking a man while he�fs down! Have a little more sympathy, wilya!
Joined: 24 Jun 2002 Posts: 4009 Location: East Coast, US Country:
Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 5:01 am Post subject:
heartbroken wrote:
It may take weeks to recover. It may take months. It may take years; even decades�cI doubt I�fll ever recover. How can you ever truly recover after losing the love of your life. I�fll go through life constantly thinking of her, forever carrying this thorn in my heart. Forever burdened with this terrible thing called love. Forever scarred by love lost. �gIt�fs better to love and lost than to have never love at all.�h I used to believe that. Now I�fm not so sure�c
no to be funny of mean or anything, but altho long, it actually was a pretty creative piece of writing. a lot of feeling in your post.
but getting back to your situation. time heals everything. _________________
Joined: 19 Aug 2003 Posts: 27 Location: Canada Country:
Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 5:48 am Post subject:
Heartbroken, nevemind the 'strange' responses that have been posted since your rant. It's a little wierd that nobody posted any critizisms like that when I posted my rant, but whatever. YOU know how you feel, and I know how you feel, and no negative reactions to your outpouring of emotion will change or tarnish that. Like niko2x said, time heals everything. _________________
While Niko' is correct in his assesment that time will heal, I am also in agreement with Akakage, you sound highly unbalanced.
Even Ahoch' thinks your writings are scary.
Best wishes,
PCM
Thanks PCM, that's what I thought. Utterly obssesed with something a little out of proportion is just scary.
I suggest that he should just concentrate on making his talent in creative writing for something else. Maybe he could write a good essay or something..that's another therapy to heal his "so called heartbroken".
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Please..don't do a sequel... 
