Joined: 04 Jul 2009 Posts: 232 Location: Los Angeles, California Country:
Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 6:05 am Post subject:
nocturn4l3030 wrote:
if it didn't work out.. at least be glad you found out sooner rather than later so it's easier for u to move on..PLUS you're still in the dating scene so i'm sure you'll find someone for you pretty soon =)
as for me.. i haven't found a date ever since.. nor have i tried though ;T i'm bitter at *women at the moment.. think i will be for a while lol.
if it didn't work out.. at least be glad you found out sooner rather than later so it's easier for u to move on..PLUS you're still in the dating scene so i'm sure you'll find someone for you pretty soon =)
as for me.. i haven't found a date ever since.. nor have i tried though ;T i'm bitter at *women at the moment.. think i will be for a while lol.
* = with exception to my wifey Juri-chan -.-
yeah, i was just thinking that today....
I think dating another gal kinda makes it easier to move on.
I think analyzing what transpired in the past 36hrs, has helped me justify and accept things at a faster rate. I think i would rather know the truth now, and move on, than let it linger in a meaningless wasteful way.
I think only you will know when you are ready to take the risks/chances at dating online or being introduced to women. Its a risk, but one that I will always be willing to accept and take.
bitterness can hinder future prospects, hopefully you can come to peace within your situations, and find acceptance. I hope you can find new opportunties soon.
Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:34 am Post subject:
I think I know what you mean.
After something ends, you spend a lot of time idealizing it, thinking there can only be her, she was perfect, nobody else could be like that.
Then you find another who is just as good or better, in a different way.
You gotta give it a chance. Thank Buddha, I can be detached and agree to let go of everything and anything that I love, to burn my ego away.
It still hurts to lose someone you love.
And it feels so good to find a special friend for the first time.
I am trying out the online dating things, and that's fine for getting things started, but you really don't know a person until you've met them in person.
Joined: 04 Jul 2009 Posts: 232 Location: Los Angeles, California Country:
Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:11 am Post subject:
That's good that both of you seem to have no problems letting go. That's always been a problem of mine (though I never show it)
All my friends are in and have been in long term relationships or are engaged/married already.. Its almost making me panic that I aint gonna find a truly compatible partner anytime soon or ever..it doesn't help that I'm kinda picky in the looks department and also that this is the longest ever that I've been single.
.....I guess that's why I'm on these (and other) msgboards so often rofl
Joined: 04 Jul 2009 Posts: 232 Location: Los Angeles, California Country:
Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:13 am Post subject:
I definitely agree with the online dating thing too.. I don't care how well u get along on the phone/online and how good they look in pictures lol.. Its always different when u meet them in person. (Not necessarily a bad thing). So I tend not to keep my hopes up, or any hopes really until after the 1st date. Good luck you too
That's good that both of you seem to have no problems letting go. That's always been a problem of mine (though I never show it)
All my friends are in and have been in long term relationships or are engaged/married already.. Its almost making me panic that I aint gonna find a truly compatible partner anytime soon or ever..it doesn't help that I'm kinda picky in the looks department and also that this is the longest ever that I've been single.
.....I guess that's why I'm on these (and other) msgboards so often rofl
Back to studying
I think being picky, or as i put it, being selective is not such a bad thing, but only if it is restricting your opportunites. I think from the guy's perspective, putting such a high status on looks on a woman, could prevent future opportunities. Within reason, I think meeting an attractive, yet obtainable woman, might be best, and when you do meet her, you connect, and she will be even more beautiful to you.
I think for me, I am trying to stay selective, yet I am trying to be more flexible at the same time, and being open to new opportunities with eligible women. I think it is good to have certain criteria that will meet your needs, but yet being open to what is out there, and flexible in your dating, might work in your favor and get you better chances at dating.
I was able to get over the last girl i was "seeing/dating", since we have not reached, "exclusivity relationship status", i was not emotionally invested with her as much, so for me to ...separate, or break up, was not as tough. But i do admit, it did hurt, and felt like a break up, but only on the surface. The fact that I was only dating her for about a month, and we only went out 4 times, and did not really talk much on the phone, probably made things easier to end it. I really think there wasn't much there, and she was a nice person, yet I didn't get a good connection with her. I enjoyed my time while with her, and I think it was good experience for her and me, but looking back in retrospect, I think she made the best decision for both of us, to end it. I think that is probably the biggest reason for me in letting go of her so easily, since we were never really "together-together" in the first place. Pretty much only on the surface level, and it was only on a "casual dating" level we were on.
Already, I have already been going out with a new girl, and I plan on seeing her again soon.
Oh boy, I am going out with a nice lady tomorrow night. Wish me luck!
excellent news. I think it is always a good thing to go out on dates, and with someone new. new ppl, new opportunties.
let us know how it all went on your date.
@nocturn4l3030,
I think with online dating, yeah you have the right idea...not to get your hopes up, until after you have met them and gone out. The picture only says so much, along with the profile, and emailing/texting is only a prelude to the first date. The goal of the first date is to see if there is potential to reach a second, and so on. A good fun date, getting to know someone new, is what really matters and makes for good chemistry and a good to decent connection. It is all in the smile and having fun, and being yourself. Let's face it, dating can be an awkward process, but at the same time it can be fun, and it can you feel better about yourself, going out with the opposite sex, on dates, and meeting someone new. Going out on more dates, whether with the same person, or someone else, will help in experience and is good dating-practice.
I think being picky, or as i put it, being selective is not such a bad thing, but only if it is restricting your opportunites. I think from the guy's perspective, putting such a high status on looks on a woman, could prevent future opportunities. Within reason, I think meeting an attractive, yet obtainable woman, might be best, and when you do meet her, you connect, and she will be even more beautiful to you.
I think for me, I am trying to stay selective, yet I am trying to be more flexible at the same time, and being open to new opportunities with eligible women. I think it is good to have certain criteria that will meet your needs, but yet being open to what is out there, and flexible in your dating, might work in your favor and get you better chances at dating.
Okay, Q. I'm starting to feel a little frustrated reading your posts. Not because of you, but because I think you've complicating things and I think you need a guiding hand to help you.
I'm definitely not the person to do this, but I'm a female. So I thought I would give you some female insight on what you have posted.
Now, disclaimer: I'm going to sound like a real bitch in some of the things I say, but I swear I'm doing it for your own good. You know I think you're great already, so please don't think I'm trying to insult you. I'm not. I'm trying to help... in that "tough love" sorta way...
qilver wrote:
exactly...
i feel my situation is quite different.
as i mentioned it was thru a dating website, and well it is implied that
there could be other prospects.
I had 2 dates this past weekend, one worked out, the other fell apart.
in that order, so my weekend has been a rollercoaster.
fair enough, nothing is/was exclusive with my main interest, but that fell apart, and left me feeling like a broken heart, but not exactly since we never really reached that romantic "level", it was only in the early progressive stages of dating, hopefully leading up to it, but ended abruptly. I think I am a little hurt and disappointed that it didn't progress further as I liked her a lot, yet I was holding back since it was a casual dating situation, and nothing more. Although this feels like a breakup, officially it is NOT one since we were never really in any sort of exclusive dating relationship, and i was casually dating another girl. To be fair, we openly discussed this early on in our dating, and it was understood. I am upfront and fair as i hope she(the girl i am dating, whoever she is)understands and is on the same page as me on communication.
With that said, my focus can be put on the other girl and continuing my search. It is kind of an odd situation to be in, with not knowing what is going on, and never really knowing until it either ends, or it is openly communicated and discussed.
Everything starts here. I don't understand this post at all. I mean, you say you felt hurt and a little broken hearted because you thought you were going somewhere with this girl... and then you say you were causally seeing someone else? Even if this was okay with the girl, you come across as someone who lies to themselves.
Were you really hurt because you really liked this girl? If so, why were you casually dating another girl at the same time?
FEMALE INTERPRETATION: With what you've written, it seems it was your ego that was hurt because you were dumped without realizing things were headed in this direction.
qilver wrote:
I was able to get over the last girl i was "seeing/dating", since we have not reached, "exclusivity relationship status", i was not emotionally invested with her as much, so for me to ...separate, or break up, was not as tough. But i do admit, it did hurt, and felt like a break up, but only on the surface. The fact that I was only dating her for about a month, and we only went out 4 times, and did not really talk much on the phone, probably made things easier to end it. I really think there wasn't much there, and she was a nice person, yet I didn't get a good connection with her. I enjoyed my time while with her, and I think it was good experience for her and me, but looking back in retrospect, I think she made the best decision for both of us, to end it. I think that is probably the biggest reason for me in letting go of her so easily, since we were never really "together-together" in the first place. Pretty much only on the surface level, and it was only on a "casual dating" level we were on.
Already, I have already been going out with a new girl, and I plan on seeing her again soon.
FEMALE INTERPRETATION: You only went on four dates?! Q! You're being way too clingy. Someone posted earlier that it's good to know that you can move on quickly. I don't think you can, because you keep analyzing the situation. Analyzing something to death is a real turn-off for women. Personally, I think you gave in to the "relationship" way too much. The girl doesn't seem to have thought deeper into it except as a "getting to know you". If you were seriously emotionally hurt, it's because you jumped the gun. This can be both really intimidating for the girl, or else kinda creepy. You need to learn to observe and "feel" the atmosphere.
Although you're trying to convince us in your posts that you knew it hadn't reached the serious stage and that you think it was good for you, I personally think it's lies. You need to get to know YOURSELF better, Q, before you can completely give yourself to another person.
And on another note, I don't think it's healthy the way you analyze things until you're going around in circles, which you are, as is evident in your posts. Finding someone to be with is a tricky thing to do, and I think it's endearing that you're spending a lot of time and thought into it. But you need to stop making everything so black and white. The more you stew on things, the more it will be prominent in your speech, your body language, the way you communicate... and women will pick up on that. The last thing I would want on a fourth date is a guy who's analyzing our situation to figure out where to go next or what to read from it.
When you break everything down and over-think EVERYTHING, it becomes less natural. Love is a very natural thing.
It's good to be picky. But unless you really know yourself and what you desire in a woman, you'll only ever be picky in terms of physical appearance, and nothing else. You yourself said as much.
Wow, this post is long... so I'll stop now. I just felt bad for you because you seemed genuinely confused as to why she "broke up" with you. And of course, I could be completely wrong about everything I've said (which would explain why I'M still single), but at least I have the confidence to say that I know myself as much as I can at this stage in my life, and therefore I can make such bold statements.
>>waits for everyone to bash her post<< _________________
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