Joined: 25 Mar 2004 Posts: 916 Location: SF Bay Area Country:
Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 1:47 am Post subject:
I am looking at the gap between dating and relationships. We put on a real "peacock" show while dating. I may clean up my dirty apartment when expecting a visit. She comes over and says: "you're so neat and clean, I really like that in a man", and she falls in love, but with neatness and not with me. Later, I relax and become the slob that I always was. Then she says: "I don't know you anymore. You're not the man I knew." That's because we're in a relationship. She's looking at the peacock's butt. Many couples don't last a few years because of this.
But if when I met her, I showed her that I have a "relaxed housekeeping style" she'd never even kiss me. We need a fantasy to get us excited, otherwise love would be dreary duty.
Joined: 20 Jul 2004 Posts: 12783 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 7:29 am Post subject:
Itazura ichiban wrote:
I am looking at the gap between dating and relationships. We put on a real "peacock" show while dating. I may clean up my dirty apartment when expecting a visit. She comes over and says: "you're so neat and clean, I really like that in a man", and she falls in love, but with neatness and not with me. Later, I relax and become the slob that I always was. Then she says: "I don't know you anymore. You're not the man I knew." That's because we're in a relationship. She's looking at the peacock's butt. Many couples don't last a few years because of this.
But if when I met her, I showed her that I have a "relaxed housekeeping style" she'd never even kiss me. We need a fantasy to get us excited, otherwise love would be dreary duty.
But how to do this? Cosplay?
Actually I disagree. Faking it a bit in the beginning is one thing, but I mean only a bit. You should step up your standard after as well. I am going on year 5 with my husband. We both still dress to impress the other when we are out. I wear nicer sweats, more flattering but not less comfortable, at home than when I was single. He shaves more than when he was. We both feel the fantasy is still there now.
It takes only a little effort to maintain the fantasy after. We have talked about it and both feel it is worth the little bit extra effort. If I dress like a lump at home how can I expect to remain his goddess and vice versa. _________________
Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 851 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 5:39 am Post subject:
Not sure about high heels any more. I was into flats for quite awhile and one day put on a pair of shoes with maybe 2in heels.
I bent down in the driveway to pick up a letter and promptly fell over. I could not get up until I removed the shoes. It really was the heels!!!
I am back into my racedriver shoes now.
As for making any impression on the opposite sex, I think you have to be comfortable and unaware of yoursef, and for heavens sake laugh and enjoy being together.
My husband and I were together, happy and laughing for sixty years. I miss him because it was fun and interesting all the time. Plus all the other perks of course.
Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 851 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 5:42 am Post subject:
There is really something haywire about the time shown on my last post. I don't think it is me. It's a long time since I was up and about at 5.30am......
Joined: 20 Jul 2004 Posts: 12783 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 10:26 am Post subject:
brad2 wrote:
My husband and I were together, happy and laughing for sixty years. I miss him because it was fun and interesting all the time. Plus all the other perks of course.
Peggy
Exactly how I feel about it. I didnt mean we are trying to impress the other. Just care about pleasing the other. That can also mean cleaning the kitchen when the other is out. Or feeding in the morning while the other one gets to sleep in. It is all of it.
He is my best friend, playmate, work partner.
And of course, the perks!
60 years is a fabulous thing, brad2. How wonderful. And romantic.
I can only imagine how much you miss him.
Im hoping for 50 since we're starting late. _________________
Not sure about high heels any more. I was into flats for quite awhile and one day put on a pair of shoes with maybe 2in heels.
I bent down in the driveway to pick up a letter and promptly fell over. I could not get up until I removed the shoes. It really was the heels!!!
I am back into my racedriver shoes now.
As for making any impression on the opposite sex, I think you have to be comfortable and unaware of yoursef, and for heavens sake laugh and enjoy being together.
My husband and I were together, happy and laughing for sixty years. I miss him because it was fun and interesting all the time. Plus all the other perks of course.
Peggy
Awww Peggy, sixty years! That's amazing. You're so blessed to have found the one that can keep you going. _________________
Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 851 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:25 pm Post subject:
I think I was rather fortunate actually. He was dark and handsome. Had the greatest eyes. Looked good in uniform and in civvies, so you can't grumble at that..... Only had one regret and that was not accompanying him to Japan. However, at that time business was strictly a male thing in Japan and wives did not exist... therefore visiting wives didn't exist either.
Ah..but then neither Yutaka or Takuya were around so something would have been missing !!!!!!!! To think I am still only 35 years old.. What a loss.
Joined: 11 May 2009 Posts: 479 Location: up hill and down dale Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:45 pm Post subject:
brad2 wrote:
Ah..but then neither Yutaka or Takuya were around so something would have been missing !!!!!!!! To think I am still only 35 years old.. What a loss.
Peg
Wow, 60 years, huh. That's longer than most people dare to dream about. Peggy, yours was the love of a lifetime. Epic! (Pearl Harbor and Ben Affleck ain't got nothin' on your story, lol.)
Hehehe pilots are the cutest hehehe, nothing like a man in uniform, hehehe
Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 851 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:42 pm Post subject:
Didn't see the film 'Pearl Harbour'. Did spend some time in Hawaii and enjoyed it very much.
Not a Ben Affleck devotee I'm sorry. Like his pal..? name?
If I were still a flying person I'd like to go to Hawaii again and I'd love to go to Spain again. That is a lovely country and so much history that ties in with England.
But...it's no fun alone... and flying used to be elegant and fun and now it's worse than a Greyhound bus.
You can really get to know all about a person if you go on a long road trip. We did Route 66 several times and that was quite an experience. Motels along that road were very individual and not franchises yet. Have you ever slept in a tepee??
Disaster when they built the freeways and thruways. If you can weather a long journey and your partner is still perfection then you have no need to worry about the future.
I'm hoping all our posts will give the original writer some perspective.
Perfection does not have to mean a place for everything and everything in it's place ALL the time. Life, Love, and the pursuit of happiness can be very exciting with someone you like. Love is grand but if there is no liking then all the sex in the world will get boring and very tiresome. It won't even be funny...and that's a disaster.
Joined: 18 Jan 2004 Posts: 851 Location: USA Country:
Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 7:42 am Post subject:
Well that is exactly how life should be. It isn't a fantasy but it is just what you make of it and a good sense of humour is a large ingredient. In my own opinion I think kindness is a large part of a good life..almost as much as love.
If you are comfortable with yourself then you have nothing to worry about really. There should be a happy future there.
Incidentally the tepees on Route 66 did exist. They were strengthened with cement or concrete and I wouldn't exactly say they were luxurious. For us it was one of the wonders of travelling along a highway in US.
I have driven across the US coast to coast about four or five times and finally on the freeways it got very tiring. Not as interesting as the byways. We finally retired to California and our trips were always to the Four Corners states. Monument Valley is awe inspiring. Good place to get together and get to know more about your partner. It's so quiet there you can almost hear the rocks pushing the earth aside. The Indian history is wonderful and somewhat sad in places. New Mexico really is enchanting.
Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 394 Location: Malaysia Country:
Posted: Sat Jan 16, 2010 7:57 am Post subject:
Many place you have visited and good memory with your husband.Even if your husband is gone but you have many thing that another people don't it. Remember that.
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Many couples don't last a few years because of this.
High heels.........
I didnt mean we are trying to impress the other. Just care about pleasing the other. That can also mean cleaning the kitchen when the other is out. Or feeding in the morning while the other one gets to sleep in. It is all of it.
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