Wynter wrote:Okay, Q. I'm starting to feel a little frustrated reading your posts. Not because of you, but because I think you've complicating things and I think you need a guiding hand to help you.
I'm definitely not the person to do this, but I'm a female. So I thought I would give you some female insight on what you have posted.
Now, disclaimer: I'm going to sound like a real bitch in some of the things I say, but I swear I'm doing it for your own good. You know I think you're great already, so please don't think I'm trying to insult you. I'm not. I'm trying to help... in that "tough love" sorta way...
FEMALE INTERPRETATION: You only went on four dates?! Q! You're being way too clingy. Someone posted earlier that it's good to know that you can move on quickly. I don't think you can, because you keep analyzing the situation. Analyzing something to death is a real turn-off for women. Personally, I think you gave in to the "relationship" way too much. The girl doesn't seem to have thought deeper into it except as a "getting to know you". If you were seriously emotionally hurt, it's because you jumped the gun. This can be both really intimidating for the girl, or else kinda creepy. You need to learn to observe and "feel" the atmosphere.
Although you're trying to convince us in your posts that you knew it hadn't reached the serious stage and that you think it was good for you, I personally think it's lies. You need to get to know YOURSELF better, Q, before you can completely give yourself to another person.
And on another note, I don't think it's healthy the way you analyze things until you're going around in circles, which you are, as is evident in your posts. Finding someone to be with is a tricky thing to do, and I think it's endearing that you're spending a lot of time and thought into it. But you need to stop making everything so black and white. The more you stew on things, the more it will be prominent in your speech, your body language, the way you communicate... and women will pick up on that. The last thing I would want on a fourth date is a guy who's analyzing our situation to figure out where to go next or what to read from it.
When you break everything down and over-think EVERYTHING, it becomes less natural. Love is a very natural thing.
It's good to be picky. But unless you really know yourself and what you desire in a woman, you'll only ever be picky in terms of physical appearance, and nothing else. You yourself said as much.
Wow, this post is long... so I'll stop now. I just felt bad for you because you seemed genuinely confused as to why she "broke up" with you. And of course, I could be completely wrong about everything I've said (which would explain why I'M still single), but at least I have the confidence to say that I know myself as much as I can at this stage in my life, and therefore I can make such bold statements.
>>waits for everyone to bash her post<<
wow, that was a long response, but thanks for taking the time to write what you wrote, and even if you are frustrated on what i posted above, going in what seems like endless circles, that is how my mind over analyzes things sometimes, it helps me justify it, but it is nice to hear a female perspective on things.
now with online dating, ppl have the option of dating other ppl, while possibly dating a person. I think it is just implied, and understood. Probably less acceptable or understood in the convention, set up, or meet them on your own dating environment.
Perhaps it was the potential that i saw in that girl, and the times we spend and chemistry that was most disappointing and the abrupt ending, which was to be the fifth date(she backed out). My mind agreed with everything and i actually told her i thought it was best too, and i wished her well. She had told me other guys did not take it as well, as i did. The heart, well, as you know it moves quite a bit slower than the mind. I think for me, it hurts cause it is the closest i have gotten to a girl, in a very long time. Yeah maybe i get attached emotionally, but i detach quite quickly. In this case, it might've seem longer. During our month of dating, i was respectful, and only contacted her during those times to confirm the next date in asking her out, and to confirm each date. I respected her space, and I did not over-crowd her or seem needy at all. Actually towards women, I do not come across as being needy, despite my posts above. In fact, my ex-gf was the one that was very needy, and the relationship prior to that one, same thing. I do realize being clingy, as you say can be a real turn-off towards women, and if anything, i try to give the girl as much space and respect as possible, but at the same time, if i am pursuing a girl, i confidently make it known that i am interested, when it is appropriate.
( You need to learn to observe and "feel" the atmosphere.) you wrote that, and i couldn't agree more, and i feel that i did my best to get a sense of things, and let things progress during that month. I didn't give more than what it was, to her, and like-wise she didn't give overly as well. We took it for what it was, a casual dating experience.
I don't personally think it was a lie, and we didn't reach any sort of serious level, at all. And like i said it was only 4 dates, but again, it has been a long time since i felt that way about a girl, probaly the frequency of those dates...but you have a right to your own opinion. I do agree one has to get to know themselves better, before giving yourself completely to another person, you are correct. I don't claim to know a lot, I even admit to learning each step of the way in each new encounter. But i do think i know myself enough to know what kind of girl i am seeking, and what type of relationship that would be most ideal for my future, and for the potential gf.
I agree with what you wrote in letting everything go more naturally, and not over-analyzing to death in circle, and if i did frustrate you, then that was not my intention. I may seem more unhealthy that what i am posting, but in reality, i think i am in the best situation that i have been in a long time, and being confident as a person, despite my over analysis which can be "perceived" as an unhealthy clingy type of person which you assumed that I was.
Actually, I was only shocked as to why she did it so suddenly without warning, but my thinking is, better now than later, and she has very good valid reasons for making her decision, and I agree wholeheartedly with her. I think it was my feelings, and what can be perceived as a broken heart, that lingered and me expressing it in circles that caused all these thoughts and frustrations.
I am glad that this place exists and ppl like Beamer, you, and others can share their thoughts and opinions.
again, I do actually appreciate you taking the time to write your responses, even if you disagreed with me on many areas, and feel that i was wrong, and not in a good place, relationship-wise emotionally. But in actually, my response was only to speak myside, and to set things straight on a few things, and there is no hard feelings. :victory: [/i]