Jokes/Humor Thread

Michi wrote:u should give up smoking :grumble:

Nah I don't smoke. I heard that joke on Discovery Channel. :hehe:

RedRum wrote:

Nah I don't smoke. I heard that joke on Discovery Channel. :hehe:

oh ok
good for u :applaud:

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food, while the government house he is in, which just happens to the toe ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican.

somewhat funny, but umm uhh i think that a rich white bastard came up with that joke.
there for . it sux ass

just saw this pic in the net:

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Figure we need one of these here... a thread to tell really good bad jokes. :naughty:

I'll get the snowball rolling down the hill.


JOKE:
Two peanuts were walking down the street...
One of them gets assaulted.

(insert sound of rim shot here)


nyuk nyuk nyuk, :bonk:
PCM

Another bad joke:

One day Descartes walked into a bar and the bartender asked him,

"Would you like a drink?"

Descartes replied, "I think not!"

*poof* he disappeared.

alright...this thread is gonna be awesome..this one .. i made up by myself

Who is the anteater's husband?
Uncle Eater!

man...i should be shot...got one more

What do you get when you mix Rogaine with Viagra?
Don King!

Two dehydrated Frenchmen are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "What do we do now? Pierre?"

crap!!! those jokes are killing me

i didn't even smile

i just raised my left eyebrow

:grumble: *what the crap!! is happening to this world?"*

This is the second worst joke ever.

A pastor was walking down the road to his little country church, thinking of how to put some oomph
into his sermon, when he came across a strange little man by the side of the road.

The little man was looking lost and hungry, and so after the pastor introduced himself, he found out that the man had come from overseas to look for his relatives, but was having trouble finding them. Furthermore, since his English wasn't so good and he spoke with a thick accent, he was taken advantage of, and had lost almost all his money.

So the pastor got an idea. He asked the little man to come along to the church, and do a favor for him, and in turn he'd give the man a meal and some traveling money. The favor he asked was to ring the bell in the bell tower three times at a critical point in the sermon, to make sure people were paying attention.

So things went as planned, the congregation filed in, the pastor started his oration, and just as people were looking a little too sleepy, he signalled the little man in the belfry, and "Bong!" went the bell the first time.

All of a sudden the bellrope fell to the bottom of the belfry, and the pastor stepped back to look up at the little man. At the top of the belfry, the little man peered down, and yelled "you no like?" and then he reared back and smashed his face into the bell with all his might. The pastor was shocked. But before he could react, the little man, now a bit dazed, yelled down "Is no good?" and then he took a step back and smashed his face into the bell with such force that he was thrown backwards out of the belfry into the churchyard.

Everybody went nuts and ran out to see what had happened, but they found the poor little man had died in the fall. As the pastor leaned over the little man to say a few words, someone from the congration asked who the little man was.

The pastor replied, "I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell."

http://jdorama.com/viewtopic_2524.htm

hey, where on earth did you get tangs picture :hehe:
:sweat:

lol joking JOKING!!!! :bonk: :bonk: :notell:

what is the common point between a clever blond and extra terrestrials ?









answer : we speak a lot about them but we never see any of them.

For all you paranoid people out there, now you can all protect your belongings! :D











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time to revive the thread :hehe:

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

:tired:

MixxDreamer wrote::tired:

:beaten: me too

MixxDreamer wrote::tired:

lol..that was funny.

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