Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Diary of an AOL user
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "Hello, is this tech support?"
Tech Support: "Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you're having?"
Customer: "I can't seem to power this thing up."
Tech Support: "If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support."
Customer: "Computer?"
Tech Support: "Yes, your computer."
Customer: "I don't have a computer."
Tech Support: "What is the item you are having difficulty with?"
Customer: "My new lawn mower."
Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) "Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again."
Customer: "No, I'm sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again."
Customer: "What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn't born yesterday, you know!" (click)
WARNING: Alcohol consumption is the main cause of dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can cause the telling of the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to BEAT YOU UP.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can cause thoughts of your ex-girlfriends/wives being really desperate and wishing for you to call them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can cause you to think that you are whispering when it is not the case.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can lead you to ask what the heck happened to your pants.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can lead you to think that you're Superman.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can make you think you can have a logical conversation with members of the opposite sex.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can make you think you're an expert in Karate.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can cause looking to the other side of your bed in the morning and see something frightening, whose name a/o species you cannot remember.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption is the main cause of carpet tracks in the forehead.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can create the illusion that you are stronger, wittier and more handsome than a really tall guy called HAKEEM.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can lead you to think that you are invisible.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can cause an inflection in the continuity of space and time, with small (though sometimes large) gaps that can appear to literally fade.
WARNING: Alcohol consumption can really PROVOKE pregnancy!
Um.. might contain content that is not suitable for a minor... please skip this portion. :)
The wedding gift
...You gotta love this guy..... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends - $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion - $3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui - $8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man. .......Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD.
woo.. the groom is poisonous.. but i understand why he wanted to do that.. i'm not feeling sorry for the bride though.. just feel sorry that all the money.. gone.. :sweat:
And if you like some cute cartoons, there's http://www.happytreefriends.com but don't say I didn't warn you first! :mrgreen: (happy tree friends are having the christmas kringles rite now so you can send them to friends... and you can watch the episodes too!) Note: this is NOT suitable for children. contains a little violence. Watch at your own risk. :P
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