Jokes/Humor Thread

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Redneck Medical Terms
Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.
Cat Scan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D&C............................Where Washington is.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester...........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...........................A small lie.
G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...........................I knew it.
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.....................Hiding something
Seizure........................Roman emperor.
Tablet.........................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor........................More than one.
Urine..........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose......................Near by/close by

:hehe: :hehe: ha ha

Little Jimmy's Mom sent him out:
-Jimmy, go buy a kilogram of flour.

So Little Jimmy goes and as he does he repeats silently like a mantra:
-A KILO OF FLOUR... A KILO OF FLOUR... (suddenly he trips on a broken sidewalk) A KILO OF LEAD... A KILO OF LEAD...

He arrives at the grocery store and asks:
-Good afternoon. May I have a kilo of LEAD.
-I don't sell lead. Go to the hardware store.
-Thank you.

Jimmy then goes to the hw store across the street:
-Good afternoon. Do you sell LEAD?
-Yes.
-May I have a kilo.
-Here.
-Thank you.

So then Little Jimmy goes back home, gives the powder to his Mom, and then leaves to play soccer with his friends.

He returns late, at about 9.

-Hi mom. Did you guys eat?
-Yes.
-How was it?
-It was good, but something strange is happening to your father, he FARTED and KILLED THE CAT.

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So much power needed?
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