Jokes/Humor Thread

Sailorprinzess wrote:Things to do in a Bathroom Stall:

1. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
2. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
3. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
4. Tell people that they're on TV. Point to some random spot on the far wall and ask them to "smile for the camera".
5. Use a stopwatch to time people going to the bathroom. Cheer them on to encourage good performance.
6. Complement people on their shoes.
7. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.
8. Say a brief but tearful eulogy before every flush.
9. After peeing say, "looks clear, my probation agent will be happy"
10. Stick one arm under the stall holding a measuring cup and say "I'm a cup short."

:headscratch: :hehe:

A spouse is someone who stands by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd only stayed single! :mrgreen:

Various brokeback mountain jokes USA Today

David Letterman

Top 10 Signs You Are a Gay Cowboy

10. Your saddle is Versace.
9. Instead of Home on the Range, you sing It's Raining Men
8. You enjoy ridin', ropin' and redecoratin'.
7. Sold your livestock to buy tickets to Mamma Mia!
6. After watching reruns of Gunsmoke, you have to take a cold shower.
5. Native Americans refer to you as Dances With Men.
4. You've been lassoed more times than most steers.
3. You're wearing chaps, yet your "ranch" is in Chelsea.
2. Instead of a saloon, you prefer a salon.
1. You love riding, but you don't have a horse.

I don't know if this has been posted yet

THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR


1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

5) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

6) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

7) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

8) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

9) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

10) Swat at flies that don't exist.

11) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

12) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

13) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

14) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

15) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

18) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

19) Upon leaving an elevator, proceed to push all the remaining floor buttons.

I've done #19 countless times when I was a kid. :bonk:

tabana wrote:A spouse is someone who stands by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd only stayed single! :mrgreen:

so single is better? :headscratch: :hehe:
but more boring and lonely... :nyah:

qilver wrote:

so single is better? :headscratch: :hehe:
but more boring and lonely... :nyah:

I've been single for the past two years and by choice.

Maybe I just haven't found the one yet..

There's a joke.

littlemissfab wrote:

I've been single for the past two years and by choice.

Maybe I just haven't found the one yet..

There's a joke.

All good.
You'll find one before you know it :victory:


According to my brother....I'll be single until im 60 and married when i'm 80 :hehe:

:rofl:
Looks like I'll have the same fate. Married at 80... I guess I'll die on my wedding night. :beaten: :hehe:

tabana wrote::rofl:
Looks like I'll have the same fate. Married at 80... I guess I'll die on my wedding night. :beaten: :hehe:

Hope that doesn't happen for you bud :fingerscrossed:

You're luck with the ladies aren't as bad as mine.

You're a guy right??? I've been thinking that all this time :headscratch:

If I be wrong, feel free to give me a :smack:

haha... Don't worry, I'm a guy. :mrgreen:

I just need to meet new people and stop working all the time. Good luck finding a nice lady. :thumbsup:

tabana wrote:haha... Don't worry, I'm a guy. :mrgreen:

I just need to meet new people and stop working all the time. Good luck finding a nice lady. :thumbsup:

haha whew :mrgreen:

working non stop huh? that blows :shamefulcry:

I'm in no hurry, still young 19 yrs old.
Got 41 yrs ahead of me still :hehe:


Best of luck to you bud, maybe some good looking girl with a nice personality will appear before your eyes while you're at work :victory:

Thanks. :D

Well, I do have Satomi Ishihara right in front of me wearing a nice pink wool shirt, but she's pinned to the wall and in 2D. ;) :sweat:

She spends the entire day looking at me, but she doesn't speak much. I guess she's shy. :nut: :hehe:

tabana wrote:she doesn't speak much. I guess she's shy. :nut: :hehe:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

HEY guys!! take a look at this cutie cat!! hahahah

[image] :bonk: :bonk: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


I found it somewhere on the internet :hehe:

Poor kitty. :puppydog:

:hehe:

tabana wrote:Poor kitty. :puppydog:

:hehe:

Yea.....that pic definately sends a good message :hehe:


Wasn't there another one where its like for every porn or something dled a cat dies???

Oh yeah. I've seen this one. :hehe:

K.T.Tran wrote:

haha whew :mrgreen:

working non stop huh? that blows :shamefulcry:

I'm in no hurry, still young 19 yrs old.
Got 41 yrs ahead of me still :hehe:


Best of luck to you bud, maybe some good looking girl with a nice personality will appear before your eyes while you're at work :victory:

Here's a thought bud, what if you meet Aya during that time? :)