Wynter wrote:
Never say that to a woman in heat. :mrgreen: :naughty:
i do i do! :nut:
i do i do! :nut:
Jokes/Humor Thread
Started by Michi · 13 Nov 2003 · 828 replies
General Discussion
i do i do! :nut:
kenjilina wrote:
i do i do! :nut:
LOL! [Austin Powers]Be-have... :naughty:[/Austin Powers]
DAILY THOUGHTS FROM DOGS AND CATS
From a Dog's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates of what I am capable. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now.
Author Unknown
From a Dog's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates of what I am capable. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now.
Author Unknown
:rofl:
I was about to post the same message, thanks to littlemissfab. That thing is hilarious. :hehe:
I was about to post the same message, thanks to littlemissfab. That thing is hilarious. :hehe:
tabana wrote::rofl:
I was about to post the same message, thanks to littlemissfab. That thing is hilarious. :hehe:
funny how fast these things travel the globe! :hehe:
A lot of people have nothing else to do at work besides this. :hehe: :beaten:
![[image]](http://img142.imageshack.us/img142/6862/japaneseforbeginnerssg7.jpg){kind=link}
You kind of missed the joke then. :sweat:
It's just that there used to have used panties vending machines in Japan. They outlawed minor's panties a few months back, but I think the rest are still available.
It's just that there used to have used panties vending machines in Japan. They outlawed minor's panties a few months back, but I think the rest are still available.
tabana wrote:You kind of missed the joke then. :sweat:
It's just that there used to have used panties vending machines in Japan. They outlawed minor's panties a few months back, but I think the rest are still available.
OHHHHHhhhhhhh... erm, I still don't get it. I thought it was the pron. of words... :ashamed:
Hilarious..... and scary, given tabana's explanation :bleh:
"TELEPHONE CALL
"Hello?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door
and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed
with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know
that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?""
"Hello?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom
with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says,
"But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room
with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
and knock on the bedroom door
and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed
with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know
that you took out the water last week to clean it.
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says,
"Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?""
:lol: very funny :)
^^ LOL! That was cute. :hehe:
tabana wrote::rofl:
Kooky Caption Contest A few good ones. :)
:lol: Dude, some of those actually made me laugh out loud. :rofl:
Wynter wrote:
:lol: Dude, some of those actually made me laugh out loud. :rofl:
Me too, they are great :)
:lol::rofl:yea i know the had me rollin:rofl:
I kind of feel bad for the woman in beige. :sweat:
really wow :hehe:
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