Love/Relationship/Potential Relationship Advice

phlargo wrote:

I'm calling "shens" on this one. Even from what little I know of you based on your messages here, I am confident that you have a lot to offer. We're all vulnerable and we all have our weaknesses. I sure do! So what do I do? I start from there and find my way forward!

Not sure what I have to offer except for my vast Jdrama collection. :P

But seriously, I guess there are some good things about me (can't think of any atm), but I think I have more bad habits than anything. :sweat:

I recently I got a comment from one of my friends on Livejournal referring to what my friend said and I felt a lot better. I guess it's because he mentioned that because we are single, we don't have to be tied down by anyone/anything and we have the freedom to do what we want, watch what we want, and things like that. I've already mentioned that before, but it just sunk in more since he's a Hawaii person as well. Weird logic, but it struck a chord with me.

bmwracer wrote:
Exactly.

If you want to make it up to us, talk to your friend and tell her how you feel.

I'll definitely mention it the next time I talk to her. I can't believe that it bothered me on and off for a whole damn week. :sweat:

sadacori wrote:I'll definitely mention it the next time I talk to her. I can't believe that it bothered me on and off for a whole damn week. :sweat:

Obviously, her remark was a bullseye somehow... At least in your mind. :sweat:

bmwracer wrote:
Obviously, her remark was a bullseye somehow... At least in your mind. :sweat:

I agree. If she said "single" instead, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. I guess I have issues with getting old and remaining single till I die. Pathetic, ain't it.

Just an update: I spoke to my friend earlier this week about what bothered me and she told me that as soon as she said it, she regretted it and she apologized, so all is good between us. :)

sadacori wrote:Just an update: I spoke to my friend earlier this week about what bothered me and she told me that as soon as she said it, she regretted it and she apologized, so all is good between us. :)

The power of words, huh? It's amazing the effect they can have that you don't expect.

Anime Dad wrote:

The power of words, huh? It's amazing the effect they can have that you don't expect.

Totally agree. I wish people would think before they speak, especially since words can sometimes have a profound effect on people without the speaker knowing it. It's because of this that there are so many misunderstandings and anger out there.

sadacori wrote:

Totally agree. I wish people would think before they speak, especially since words can sometimes have a profound effect on people without the speaker knowing it. It's because of this that there are so many misunderstandings and anger out there.

Exactly. I've heard of cases where friends fall out for years over misunderstandings about things that were said.

sadacori wrote:Just an update: I spoke to my friend earlier this week about what bothered me and she told me that as soon as she said it, she regretted it and she apologized, so all is good between us. :)

See??????

Now if you had something to her weeks ago, you would've saved yourself (and us) all that grief...... :sweat:

this is a question for all the guys...
are you guys turned off when a girl says she's going to stay celibate until marriage???
like you've been dating for a couple of months, but she still doesn't wanna have sex with you cuz she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
is that a turn-off??? would you dump her???

judochick wrote:this is a question for all the guys...
are you guys turned off when a girl says she's going to stay celibate until marriage???
like you've been dating for a couple of months, but she still doesn't wanna have sex with you cuz she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
is that a turn-off??? would you dump her???

From personal experience....

It's a difficult thing to do. But if the guy respects you enough, and has the same beliefs, he will agree.

judochick wrote:this is a question for all the guys...
are you guys turned off when a girl says she's going to stay celibate until marriage???
like you've been dating for a couple of months, but she still doesn't wanna have sex with you cuz she doesn't believe in sex before marriage.
is that a turn-off??? would you dump her???

I think a guy should respect that... At least a guy with honorable intentions rather than one just looking to score and nothing else.

bmwracer wrote:
I think a guy should respect that... At least a guy with honorable intentions rather than one just looking to score and nothing else.

Now I hear what you and Anime Dad are saying.. but honestly - for me, if I'm going to commit my life to someone, I'd like some good sexual compatibility. I've been with some girls that are freakin' perfect matches and others where it feels like we're on different sides of the planet. Sex isn't the most important thing to me, but I'd like to know what I'm getting into and make sure it works for me... and her.

I, not being religious at all, see no virtue to celibacy 'til marriage and think it likely results in more discontent than eventual satisfaction.

Also, from a personal experience note, I think the best sexual partners are the ones who have some experience. They have to know what they're doing and not be shy. I've done the shy thing 'it's all new thing' a few times and frankly, the conversations and intimacy that really make physical intimacy a fantastic part of a great relationship come with some experience.

I also believe that we are biologically sexual creatures and a willful deprivation of that facet of our physiological expectations can have some negative impacts on our psyches. Kinda of a funny thing to say from a guy who has willful forgone sexual opportunities for nearly 3 years (okay.. maybe there were a few exceptions :naughty:).

And to you, Judochick, I think it greatly depends on the age of the partners involved. If you're 15 and they girl says she wants to wait, it's a different story than if she's 20 or even more-so at 30. At my age (28), if a girl says she is either a virgin or is remaining celibate until marriage, I will start looking for other problematic signs which can accompany what I would classify as potentially unhealthy and likely unhappy behavior.

phlargo wrote:Now I hear what you and Anime Dad are saying.. but honestly - for me, if I'm going to commit my life to someone, I'd like some good sexual compatibility. I've been with some girls that are freakin' perfect matches and others where it feels like we're on different sides of the planet. Sex isn't the most important thing to me, but I'd like to know what I'm getting into and make sure it works for me... and her.

I hear ya... But if the girl doesn't want to, do you just quit and move on?

That comes off as being really petty/superficial, ne? :sweat:

bmwracer wrote:
I hear ya... But if the girl doesn't want to, do you just quit and move on?

That comes off as being really petty/superficial, ne? :sweat:

Well I kind of understand him. I don't think he means that when he finds someone and if she doesn't jump in bed with him the first week he'll go look elsewhere. But in a relationship it's important that both partners are on the same level on at least a couple of aspects, sex being one of them. If I would meet a guy who had a strict view on sex and would want to wait until marriage, I'd probably think we're not right for each other either (especially as I don't want to get married yet for a long time :hehe: ) But I wouldn't leave a guy just because he didn't want to have sex with me the first thing he does. :)

adylma wrote:But I wouldn't leave a guy just because he didn't want to have sex with me the first thing he does. :)

What about the other way around? :sweat:

bmwracer wrote:
What about the other way around? :sweat:

what do you mean? :hehe:

phlargo wrote:And to you, Judochick, I think it greatly depends on the age of the partners involved. If you're 15 and they girl says she wants to wait, it's a different story than if she's 20 or even more-so at 30. At my age (28), if a girl says she is either a virgin or is remaining celibate until marriage, I will start looking for other problematic signs which can accompany what I would classify as potentially unhealthy and likely unhappy behavior.

yeah, a virgin in her late twenties is pretty bad LOL
i'm a girl, by the way, phlargo haha :mrgreen:
i know a chick who never wants to marry, and i think she'll stay a virgin forever :sweat:
some people wanna get married to people who are experienced, but others, who are virgins, want to marry virgins so that they start their sex lives together, which i think is pretty cute :woot:

bmwracer wrote: a guy with honorable intentions rather than one just looking to score and nothing else.

Does such an animal exist? :confused: [/list:u]

bmwracer wrote:
I hear ya... But if the girl doesn't want to, do you just quit and move on?

That comes off as being really petty/superficial, ne? :sweat:

Not at all - it's carefully selective. I don't begrudge such a decision on a woman's part, but I see it as a clear indication that we may not be compatible in other ways which I feel are integral to a healthy relationship.

gaijinmark wrote: Does such an animal exist? :confused: [/list:u]

Your odds of finding Bigfoot are greater :hehe: