Love/Relationship/Potential Relationship Advice

cori wrote:Oops! :bonk:

Or did you mean "kuitan?" :beaten:

bmwracer wrote:
Or did you mean "kuitan?" :beaten:

:drooling:

I wish I had a Kuitan of my own.

Wynter wrote::drooling:

I wish I had a Kuitan of my own.

I think you mean "kaiten." :P

bmwracer wrote:
I think you mean "kaiten." :P

Nono, I meant Kuitan. :beaten: :drooling:

http://a3.vox.com/6a00cd9722be324cd500e398b17bbb0001-200pi

Spoiler — click to reveal

I wouldn't mind licking that piece off rice off for him.

Wynter wrote:

Spoiler — click to reveal

I wouldn't mind licking that piece off rice off for him.

eww.... :hehe:

EstherM wrote:PS: we don't really do dates over here so you just meet people and take decisions ...

what kind of decisions? :beaten:

monta wrote:what kind of decisions? :beaten:

Marriage.

:hehe: :rofl:

bmwracer wrote:
Marriage.

:hehe: :rofl:

pre-nup must be really popular there ne? :beaten:

anyways, i recently met this new girl from this church, and well she's really nice. I will go as far as saying she is an acquaintance, and in my bible study group, and this church is a small community. Nothing really else going on.
After being so recluse from the community for so long, i thought i give it another go at community.

in terms of online dating, i don't have much to say about it, a good way to invest, waste your money? i can't be too objective on that issue.

monta wrote:

what kind of decisions? :beaten:

See Cori's defintion below :mrgreen:

cori wrote:

I don't know why, but I thought of a kaidan sushi concept, where there's a line of people rotating and you choose who you want. :hehe:

EstherM wrote:

I think a need a few drinks to understand this conversation.

I thought I'd just put these posts here since it would make beem happy, even though I hate the title of this stupid thread. :beaten:

Geezer wrote:Single can be pretty boring.

Not bad... but boring.

Then again, when I wasn't single I used to find a lot of excuses to go off by myself.

Being single is boring and lonely for me. Still, if I'm with a person long enough, I'd probably want to do things alone too. Makes me want to try that "Shuumatsukon" thing (living with your significant other only on the weekend). :mrgreen:

bmwracer wrote:
That's probably true... Which is why you have to keep yourself occupied.

Ever since my dad passed, my mom has been really lonely, but she pretty much doesn't do anything to keep herself occupied: she just dwells on the past... And it's been nearly ten years.

I think she'd rather be miserable than to get out of her funk. :shakehead:

What's your point here? Your mom is probably in her 60's or 70's and I'm still in my early 30's. Big difference. She had her happiness with someone, but I haven't. She has kids that she will take care of her when she's unable to. I have no one. Sure, I have my parents and brother and other relatives, but that's just different, imo.

And keep myself occupied? Ok. I got work, classes, Jdramas and stuff like that, but what about sex?? Or should I just rely on sex toys and whathaveyou for the rest of my life? Sometimes I feel like telling the next decent-looking guy I see "let's have sex!" :sweat:

smart single woman with no baggage to tie her down wrote:
And keep myself occupied? Ok. I got work, classes, Jdramas and stuff like that, but what about sex?? Or should I just rely on sex toys and whathaveyou for the rest of my life? Sometimes I feel like telling the next decent-looking guy I see "let's have sex!" :sweat:

So, are you looking for love or sex? Those are two different things. Sex is easy to find (relatively) Love seems to be damn near impossible to find.[/list:u]

gaijinmark wrote: So, are you looking for love or sex? Those are two different things. Sex is easy to find (relatively) Love seems to be damn near impossible to find.[/list:u]

Love, of course. But since "Mr. Right" is hard to find, sometimes I think I'd settle for a "Mr. Right Now" for the time being, but not for something permanent.

sadacori wrote:I thought I'd just put these posts here since it would make beem happy, even though I hate the title of this stupid thread. :beaten:

What would you like to rename it to?

What's your point here?

Uh, the first line: keep yourself occupied.

Age hasn't a thing to do with it... :shakehead: Just trying to make an analogy, about having diversions rather than dwelling about your situation.




Sorry that I even bothered to answer. :grumble:

Seems like there's a lot of anger here. Makes me sad. Be happy everyone. Too much sadness elsewhere.

Beem is right - being happy or at least not dwelling on the negative is a choice. Sometimes things suck - make a choice to change your position!

Cori's also right - it's really frustrating sometimes when you think you have a lot to offer and no one else seems to realize it. We all want to feel appreciated.

And I'm write.. ing this message :)

bmwracer wrote:What would you like to rename it to?

I wouldn't rename it since it fits its purpose.

Uh, the first line: keep yourself occupied.

Age hasn't a thing to do with it... :shakehead: Just trying to make an analogy, about having diversions rather than dwelling about your situation.




Sorry that I even bothered to answer. :grumble:

Aw, I didn't mean to come off as bitchy and it's not that I didn't appreciate your opinion. I guess I was just a bit sensitive there. I mean, the way I saw it was that I have to accept being single for the rest of my life because single is ultimately better than getting married. For someone who has never been in that situation, I can't say that I agree with that, especially seeing relationships that work. But I guess those kinds of people are lucky to have found their sig other. I guess when it comes down to it, I'll probably end up being that old maid like my friend insinuated. At least I can keep myself busy with Jdrama watching. :P

sadacori wrote:

Aw, I didn't mean to come off as bitchy and it's not that I didn't appreciate your opinion. I guess I was just a bit sensitive there. I mean, the way I saw it was that I have to accept being single for the rest of my life because single is ultimately better than getting married. For someone who has never been in that situation, I can't say that I agree with that, especially seeing relationships that work. But I guess those kinds of people are lucky to have found their sig other. I guess when it comes down to it, I'll probably end up being that old maid like my friend insinuated. At least I can keep myself busy with Jdrama watching. :P

If you want a life-mate, go out and find him. Staying at home watching Jdoramas is all good, unless that's all you're doing. You have friends. Go out. Go to public places. Go to clubs. Go to pubs. Go wherever.

Prince Charming is not going to come knocking on your door.

I know a good man is hard to find... but it's a lot harder when you aren't trying. And from I've read of your posts over the past year, you're not exactly trying.

Sorry for the rude post. I know how you feel. But I also know it's all my fault that I'm alone. And by admitting it, being an "old maid" doesn't seen so bad.

phlargo wrote:Seems like there's a lot of anger here. Makes me sad. Be happy everyone. Too much sadness elsewhere.

Beem is right - being happy or at least not dwelling on the negative is a choice. Sometimes things suck - make a choice to change your position!

Cori's also right - it's really frustrating sometimes when you think you have a lot to offer and no one else seems to realize it. We all want to feel appreciated.

And I'm write.. ing this message :)

I didn't see your post earlier. I guess you wrote it while I was in the process of writing mine.

And you're right. I was upset and took it out on beem and whoever was trying to help me. I'm not making any excuses, but a lot of this anger and vulnerability stemmed from that "old maid" comment that my friend made and because I kept that anger to myself instead of telling her that it upset me, I just attacked innocent people here and I'm really sorry for that. :(

The sad part is that I probably have nothing to offer anyone. I have some issues which I don't like to talk about in public messageboards. I'm vulnerable, yet somewhat of an ice queen at times. So to answer her "old maid" question--yes. Yes, I will probably be one (screw that stupid word though!). While I don't mind it for the most part, it does get lonely and I do feel pathetic at times, but at least I don't have to deal with anyone else. Or so I keep telling myself. Ok, sorry. I'm not in the best of moods here, especially when I had to re-read what I wrote about this situation in my journal.

Wynter wrote:

If you want a life-mate, go out and find him. Staying at home watching Jdoramas is all good, unless that's all you're doing. You have friends. Go out. Go to public places. Go to clubs. Go to pubs. Go wherever.

Prince Charming is not going to come knocking on your door.

I know a good man is hard to find... but it's a lot harder when you aren't trying. And from I've read of your posts over the past year, you're not exactly trying.

Sorry for the rude post. I know how you feel. But I also know it's all my fault that I'm alone. And by admitting it, being an "old maid" doesn't seen so bad.

You're right, Wyn. I really need a kick in the ass to get out and do stuff instead of hiding out and just watching dramas. Still, I wish it were that easy.

sadacori wrote:
The sad part is that I probably have nothing to offer anyone. I have some issues which I don't like to talk about in public messageboards. I'm vulnerable, yet somewhat of an ice queen at times. So to answer her "old maid" question--yes. Yes, I will probably be one (screw that stupid word though!). While I don't mind it for the most part, it does get lonely and I do feel pathetic at times, but at least I don't have to deal with anyone else. Or so I keep telling myself. Ok, sorry. I'm not in the best of moods here, especially when I had to re-read what I wrote about this situation in my journal.

I'm calling "shens" on this one. Even from what little I know of you based on your messages here, I am confident that you have a lot to offer. We're all vulnerable and we all have our weaknesses. I sure do! So what do I do? I start from there and find my way forward!

Don't be an old maid, unless you want to. The name is silly - a vestige of an earlier time where we lived shorter lives and had little else to do in our lives other than pair off and make more. There's a lot of great stuff out there that doesn't involve such activities.

I do have a personal connection to your "Mr. Right Now" assertion. Even I, who am going on nearly 3 years single (and having flatly rejected at least a couple suitors), understand the need for personal and intimate connection and interaction. I don't know if I mentioned it here before, but when I went back to CA and greeted my family with hugs this summer to take our family trip to Mexico, I realized it was the first time I had touched another human being at all in over 6 months. It's something you can miss, for sure. When I go to a bar like I did last night during Halloween and all those silly kids (I'm sorry.. that's what I see them as) are randomly hooking up with other silly kids, I can't help but be a little envious. I know it's not who I am, but I recognize the appeal and I know my loss in forgoing it.

Confidence is a very difficult attribute to even superficially exude, let alone to master or embody. Take it slow and understand that, as I mentioned in another thread today (in response to something Wyn had said): you gotta be happy with yourself before you'll be happy with anyone else being happy with you. There is no pressure to get it all done at once - the patience and perseverance required for the waiting and looking for someone truly worthwhile for you is a vastly underrated endeavor. Take pride in the fact that you're willing to :)

sadacori wrote:a lot of this anger and vulnerability stemmed from that "old maid" comment that my friend made and because I kept that anger to myself instead of telling her that it upset me

Exactly.

If you want to make it up to us, talk to your friend and tell her how you feel.