Japanese Girl/Boyfriends - Dating in Japan

Very interesting topic you brought there, Ken.

Actually I was thinking about a similar topic to discuss this on in the past but I never had the time to bring it up.

And same goes for myself, I am also half caucasian and half Japanese. And yes, I do speak Japanese fluently.

The thing is that Japanese women are very surprised when a foreigner speaks Japanese so well and even more if they are good-looking.

Two summers ago, I went to Kyushu for a tour from my Japanese school. We went to Mifune high school to have a speech exchange where we would have a speech in Japanese, and the Mifune people would speak in English. I was the only person out of the 10 people in the group that I am mixed. Everyone else was Japanese from LA. So every person looked at me, surprised, amazed. It seemed that they did not expect to have a foreigner to come to their school or something. And when I went up to speak infront of the classroom, the girls seem excited and smiled at me. Afterwards, they wanted to talk to me and ask if I have a girlfriend and etc. It was a very interesting expereince.

In the same tour, we also went to another school. I think it was Kaseda. Well, this time I pretended that I did not speak Japanese at first (haha im kinda of a jackass lol) but I wanted to experiment. And even the mother behind her probably thought I did not speak Japanese because she said to her daughter in Japanese, "oh you're so lucky to sit next to half -great guy." And then when I went up to speak, the audience was just surprised.

Another situation is where at the university I go, I saw two asians girls but I wasn't sure if they were Japanese or Korean at first. I did notice that they are from overseas. And so I sat near them and I overhear them talking in Japanese. So I'm trying to find a way to talk to them and so I took out my Japanese work and lifted the paper up so they can see that I am studying Japanese (and yes it's pretty lame). And I overhear them saying (of course in Japanese), "it must be very difficult for him to learn Japanese as a second language. It must be the same for us learning English." After hearing this, I feel even more of a jackass. And then I got a call from a Japanese friend, and I started talking in Japanese on the phone, and suddenly these 2 girls looked at me with amazement. After I hung up, they were just starting to ask me questions. How do I speak Japanese so well? Are you mix? How old are you? Are you from here? Etc etc. One of the girls ended up not going to class and we ended up having an hour conversation before I had to go to class. It's really amazing that she was so interested to talk with me. Is it because I'm half? Is it because she finally was able to meet a guy who can speak Japanese in America?

To an extent, I feel that it is a problem in Japanese culture. Although I am getting praise and not to brag or anything but it seems that Japanese girls are very weak towards foreigners especially when they speak fluent Japanese and have good looks. When I went to a Japanese salon in Japan, the woman who worked there asked me on a date. She was like 26 and I'm 20. But even with all the praise I get, I still think it is a problem. Why? If I were to be full Japanese and go to Japan, they would expect me to speak Japanese. And lets say that I was a Sansei (third generation), and I wasn't able to speak Japanese, some people would think wow this guy can't even speak Japanese.

Sorry for the off-topic but I just wanted to say some things. Here are my thoughts. I talked to some Japanese girls about some situations on how I would talk to girls in Japan. If you talk randomly to a person in a train, usually most girls would think what is this guy doing? Often, girls in the train would think people are weird if they start talking with strangers. Perhaps you could ask for directions or pretend to lol. Certainly they would help and possibly they might be surprised that you are able to speak Japanese so well especially if you speak it fluently and have good looks hehe.

And one more thing. Do not hug girls. In American society, we see lots of people hugging each other, and actually when Japanese girls from Japan see a person hugging another person, they already assume that they are a couple. So, if you were to hug someone after the end of the day or something, the girl would think, "does this guy like me or something" or "does he just play around with girls" or "you're sexual-harassing me" Yup, even sexual harrassment.

I'll add some more things in the future but I got to study 2 more finals for tomorrow. I just finished writing my 8 page paper. Hopefully this is some good information for you and the rest. Feel free to respond to anything. I like receiving critiques. Thanks.

Indeed , it is a very interesting topic.
like i said to ken before ..... i think that ppl are only impressed because since you are gaijin they don't expect you to speak japanese so fluently ..

i mean come on , i do speak japanese as well not that fluently but i can keep up in a conversation .... it really impressed some japanese ppl and we 've become great friends ....
Well the fact that you are gaijin or haafu must be seen on your physic features or else they won't be this surprised ..of course since they are impressed , they get curious and interested into talking to you ...it's not necessary because you are good looking or something ( i think)
Eventually , they'll be interested in dating you because you speak japanese fluently and that you are able to communicate more than if you only speak japanese; that is to say after they are attracted physically since you say you are good looking.....english isn't that easy for them but everyone tend to master it nowadays. ... the appearence conveys another culture and other values as well and it's kinda normal to feel this little " attraction" , human beings being naturally curious ...

As for the part of girls being "weak" , as you qualified ...well it depends on your luck ..... if you encounter some girl that is ....fiery , i don't think that she would "lit up" to you since she will be thinking that you are bragging and too self-confident ( it's a supposition ). But sure girls , generally speaking, get "weak" in front of good looking boys ...... so do boys infront of girls .... therefore, this is not the point.

Besides, i think they will understand that you don't mean something like " i like you" or such because they should be well aware about your culture difference .;. There is behaviours that are meaning different things from a country to another , this is what we call " social code " .
The girl may think that you like her of course ...but then again i don't think it will reach the sexual-harrasing level ( unless they are sick and twisted -- if you excuse my way of saying it ). at least this is my P.O.V.

How can i explain this more clearly ... :argh: Girls ? would you mind helping me here ?? :sweat:
Anyway , the sexual-harrasing phenomenon is a universal case ... and it's not the topic.

i think an example maybe welcome here ..... but since i'm a girl it may mean not the same thing ... i do hug ppl and give them pecks to show my affection, it doesn't mean that i feel something more than friendship..it's my way to be ..... and (this is for ken ) .. i can be very direct and maybe seem rude because i " turn guys down" at first .... i'm just being honest and it isn't needed to feel like rejected even if it seems so .. just like..yesterday i was chatting with a guy that contacted me on my msn that i don't know and he said he had it from a friend of mine ( i still don't know who).... ( i'm really curious to know how he got it )..anyway , he asked for my phone number and i've said "no" , i told him that i can explain why but it is nothing personnal -- and i've meant it ! i'm not the type to find sorry excuses-- ...he called me crazy... crazy to answer this way once i've explained why. Anyway he still talked to me, and tried again , which i appreciated .. it's just that i'm buzy these days and can't afford myself to have a bf ...not now.. and that's all , we may seem really complicated creatures , as someone i know underlined .but honestly , we aren't .
i think i should go back to work now ... plz feel free to answer , deny or criticize

Ayachan

this is an updatethat may enlighten the topic ..... so that you guys won't stay apart (these are pms) :

From: Ayachan
To: Gxcad
Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 1:57 pm
Subject: an answer to your "expectation"



hi !
well i've read your post ( to which ahochaude already answered by the way) , and 've decided to answer you since i was bored by my .... work.(nothing personnal in this last state)

well i respect your choice of "gathering information on the topic " ....
But even if you are more likely to attract young girls because you are a "haafu" , i've highly disliked those stereotypes you used.... i know you have apologized already.
Let me tell you that you are wrong about girls expressing their liking more than other nationality girls . My point is that i believe that everyone has his own personnality : there is shy girls and more ...ummmm ...how can i say that ...... " outgoing" ones .

i've chosen to send you a pm because this is a rather private stuff so i don't know if you would have liked that others read this ( which i doubt since i tend to be rude when i'm pissed off )
i personnally am impressed by ppl that master many languages .. you should lay stress on this side rather then looks ( of course if you are a bishie it could help a lot )
Maybe you should be persistant ...not to the point of freaking the girl out though .. i tend to turn down guys at first .. well depends , i'm not proud of causing to some of them some harm by that ( if they are touchy )... but i have my reasons ( can talk about this if you want )


so if the girl really attracts you, try twice or 3 times...... the bad guy side can be of a use but then again it can be really annoying..... so be sweet ..um it's really complicated to describe the right thing to do ..therfore you should act the way you usually do and be natural (girls don't like cheating -not in that way- at least if you confess after it without her discovering , it will show that you are honest )....
nevermind , be true to yourself ..... and if she is uneasy around you try to make her at ease ...

in fact i understand guys when they say we are so complicated , but we are not THAT complicated , we share the same feelings as boys do but we simply can be suspicious ( because we worry all the time )
well , now if you want more details just message me back .
good luck , Aya.

From: Gxcad
To: Ayachan
Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:57 pm
Subject: Re: an answer to your "expectation"



Hi Aya,

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate your directness regarding the disliking of stereotypes, though it is actually from my own experience (I've been told by a couple japanese ppl that being haafu already makes them want to be my friend, it is hard to express this honestly without touching some nerves IMO because it sounds like, and actually is, showing off its usually not in my nature though). I think I will try to edit that post a little bit after I eat dinner.

On the aspect of approach, I was more concerned about a rude approach more than anything. Just because I speak fluent japanese doesn't mean my level is that of a native, and I can miss nuances or other things I may not know that may be considered rude. For example, I was thinking of before anything else ask their name then ask if they have BF or someone in mind before going further into conversation. I actually hardley ever ask girls out especially a stranger I see on the street...I dunno I must lack motivation or something. I do fear rejection just like the next guy.

I do hope you understand some stereotypes are actually true so partially I just want to know which ones tend to be more true than others. I am not touchy at all when it comes to my stereotypes (for example I am half irish...knock yourself out we don't drink as much as they say hehe) so it is harder for me to compensate for the ppl who are. I will make my best effort to avoid pissing ppl off though.

I can understand reasons for turning down a guy that hits on you in the street for example, but I am curious as to what YOUR reasons are (since you offered n all;) ).

It was not mentioned but I am actually here only for about one more full week (9 days) and I am not really looking for much obviously especially due to time constraints. A pretty friend perhaps. I intend to make this perfectly clear if I do decide to try something...I'm the brutally honest type.

Finally, if you do not mind I do not mind at all if you post publically, this is still the internet and even if everyone can see the posts there is still plenty of privacy for me to feel ok about it, I'm the type that is impossible to offend on accident, easy going about anything even the word 'jap' I feel is ok if used unintentionally since it is the most natural way for a unsuspecting person to shorten "japanese". Anyway, off to dinner I go.

-Ken

P.S. sorry if you get more than one copy of this pm, have been having sending problems...

From: Ayachan
To: Gxcad
Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 3:48 pm
Subject: glad you feel this way



i'm sorry i'm in fact in a .......work trip ....
i'm not home right now ( for 12 days more ), so i may not answer you that frequently ..if you feel like having a serious discussion on this topic you can contact me on my msn after dinner if you may.....enjoy !^^
here it is : [email protected]


it's really ok , i've just wanted to be honest and underline the fact that i was reluctant answering you in the beginning ..i guess that since you are honest it's not that of a harm ..you must know i respect your choice of life conceiving ...... it wasn't dealing actually with show off ...... i tend to make people misunderstand me so i apologize even if you are not the touchy type. i have no right to constrain you on a position ... i think you are big enough to live the way you entend to and do what feels right for you.

Don't worry about touching some nerves , we are here to discuss and not fight over matters . i'm opened to any suggestion and i encourage ppl to say what they need to or have to ..... they it is up to me and only me to accept it or not . i like to be clear and direct because then again there is no way hypocrisy can be used ..i sure may change my mind on things , like everyone does ... after all things evolue and are in constant changing, i can't direct it ( even if i want ) ...
well since you are a haafu , it seems like ppl won't see your words in a rude way ..... you said yourself that you can say things that may seem rude , but only because you don't know ... i believe that they will forgive you for it ( most of them , i just hope you don't run into some guys that are touchy so you won't get beaten ) ..those may not understand though

By the way i don't know your age so my " advices " can be out of topic ... i gave you my personnal point of view ! ( i can of course be wrong ..plz feel free to deny it if needed)

this makes me a bit uncomfy because it seems ...so ..... strict ....
oh no! i don't mind if you post it at all , i've posted a pm because i didn't want to be regardless of your likes or dislikes ..that's all post it anytime as long as it is all together and true to what i've written
i'd be glad to give you MY reasons to turn down guys at first , and why i've adviced you to be persistant ( just do not cross the line ). i'm the honest type also .. but try my best to not be brutal ...

i do understand your feeling about "jap" use also ...i don't mind neither , i tend to use it also but since ppl at jdorama can be touchy i do not wish to make them feel uncomfortable ..there is a special thread on it .

you don't need to apologize , it happens ..and don't worry i've only received it once .
pleased to meet you ken
plz call me Ayachan ( i think i'm younger ). think i'll stop this loong msg now ..i talk too much sometimes.

PS : ~ everyone fears rejection ..... even .... over-sized ego ppl

ok ken , don't bother yourself posting them i've did ! :mrgreen:

Firstly... Ohyoh/Konichiwa/Konbanwa (delete as appropriate)... I'm kinda new here (I've been posting on the Nakama Yukie part).

Kay, I'm gonna be moving to Japan soon, so I think this is a very interesting topic. Two things...

1. There where a few words that I didn't understand just now, they were:
nanpa
haafu
kokuhaku
gaijin(s)

Hopefully someone can tell me what they mean.

2. I kinda have the same ideas ad Ken, What IS rude to say to a japanese girl/guy when you first meet them? Becuase the last thing I wanna do is go all the way to Japan and get into a fight because I said the wrong thing to the wrong girl.

I mean, should I just approach japanese girls like I (would) do over here (U.K) or in the states? or do I have to take a completely different approach from the "Hi"/"How are you?" type greetings?

seppydude wrote:Firstly... Ohayo/Konnichiwa/Konban wa (delete as appropriate)... I'm kinda new here (I've been posting on the Nakama Yukie part).

okaerinasai ! dozo yoroshiku! :dancing:

Kay, I'm gonna be moving to Japan soon, so I think this is a very interesting topic. Two things...

1. There where a few words that I didn't understand just now, they were:
nanpa
haafu
kokuhaku
gaijin(s)

Hopefully someone can tell me what they mean.

here is my way of understanding it , i'm not an expert so plz correct me if i'm wrong :
1. nanpa = (no idea) maybe "jerk"
2. haafu = half japanese , half something else / mixed
3. kokuhaku = to confess one's feelings ( generally speaking , it could also mean black and white / good and bad .. maybe like the yin yang thingy ...a duality)
4. gaijin = stranger / another nationality / foreign

2. I kinda have the same ideas as Ken, What IS rude to say to a japanese girl/guy when you first meet them? Because the last thing I wanna do is go all the way to Japan and get into a fight because I said the wrong thing to the wrong girl.

I mean, should I just approach japanese girls like I (would) do over here (U.K) or in the states? or do I have to take a completely different approach from the "Hi"/"How are you?" type greetings?

well to answer this i'll choose 2 types of girls (roughly) because everyone is special and i can't figure out all the cases , too many parameters are involved .....( wow! i sound crazy in this last paragraph :crazy: ) . but i need to warn you: i hate stereotypes even if i can't avoid them to explain.
(gee ..i never taught i'll try to act like a boy before )


this is for a date
anyway, case 1 : a shy girl
*if she is with friends ( girl group ) : go to see the group say hello , this kind of stuff ... chat a bit with her friends also and make her at ease ..then if you think she is fine enough try to talk to her apart ( the girls may bug her after ... and this IS embarrassing, trust me) ..if she doesn't feel like it ..insist a bit , or if you have the guts to tell her publically or ask her meeting you somewhere else
remember to always be polite and ..... i dunno...... can't think straight!

*if she is alone : ask her politely ..very politely .or she will be scared... you can act like a don juan or be a bit ....provocative if it's your style to do things but be careful

Case 2: fiery one
*alone or with friends ..don't act too self confident .....or you'll get slapped ..get to talk ..and not the " hey babe ! want to go with me on a ride ... tonight i promise it will be something for you" + cheesy smile ( if you do that i can't guaranty your safety ....) .....yes there is this kind of things ... :shakehead:

Ps : don't try this with with the shy one also ... those who like this behaviour are few ... but maybe if you apologize you maybe ( if she is really in good mood , she will accept it )

i keep reading this thing i've typed ...pitiful .....it's not there is a notice on " how do girls work "
but i insist on something ...be friendly and talk ...that's the best thing to do.then be natural , once a guy was a total jerk and acting playboy like but then he kept trying until i've actually been out with him :sweat: .now that i think about it .... i wonder how but let's say it wasn't his real personnality.

in fact , the way put up there is really ...caricaturous to what guys tend to do it ... i'm being a bit sarcastic mostly

Arigato gozimasu! :bow:
Advice is ALWAYS welcome with me.

Be it good OR bad. I'm REALLY bad at new things, more so than anyone else I know.

Of course, I'll have to keep learning my Japanese as well... I doubt I'll get very far without that. I'm a COMPLETE novice atm. Alls I can do is say hello, goodbye and thank you. So thats the introduction sorted for when I see a japanese girl that I like.

Also, does this make sence:

"Ohyoh gozimasu/Konichiwa/Konbanwa, Watashi wa Jami. Hajimashite? Watashi wa konpyuta purogurama desu. O-shigoto wa?"

I wanted to say, "Hello (type thing), I'm Jamie. How are you? I'm a computer programer. What do you do?"

Gxcad wrote:
nanpa (hitting on stranger girls on the street).

seppydude wrote:
1. There where a few words that I didn't understand just now, they were:
nanpa
haafu
kokuhaku
gaijin(s)

Sorry, I did try to explain them in my posts as I used them but I obviously was not very clear. Let me clarify:

nanpa as quoted above I believe is hitting on strangers (not necessarily girls, sorry my mistake). To be more accurate, my best guess as I've seen it being used is "invite to a meal together" as if to make a date immediately out of a stranger right on the spot.

haafu is the word "half" said in a japanese accent. Ayachan is accurate in her description, this is someone who is 50% japanese. There are other words for more variety of mixes such as "hapa". This word originates from hawaii and means a person of two or more decents.

kokuhaku is pretty much accurate as stated by ayachan. Usually to confess affection for another, often shortened and made into a unofficial (slang) verb "kokuru" meaning the action of confessing.

gaijin Also accurate as stated by ayachan. I would like to add other asians do not seem to count as gaijin unofficially in my observations. For example chinese and koreans I do not see referred to as gaijin here in japan.

Replying to seppydude on the japanese, firstly I think you mean ohAYO gozAimasu (like the state ohio in the U.S.). If you already know the person and they are not superior to you, you can skip 'gozaimasu'. Otherwise your sentence is perfect, except at the end when you ask their profession, you will want to specify that it is now them you are talking about not yourself, so instead say something like "Anata no o-shigoto wa?"; anata = you, no = possessive, becoming 'your' so it changes from 'what is job' to 'what is YOUR job'.

I kinda pulled back my initial post and edited it to be more neutral until I get a feel for this forum but I think now that most ppl so far seem openminded enough to take whatever I say as points in discussion.

As jjpsychic2 has mentioned, I also notice a lot of positive attention whenever I deal with japan raised people (whether in japan or in the states, girls or guys). I am normally a pretty modest person but it is still very obvious to me japan-raised people have a strong admiration for 1. people who speak well english and japanese (english only?). 2. Caucasian or half caucasian half japanese (haafu) people (if not initially, once they find out). and 3. People who live overseas or have lived overseas (specifically europe or america?).

Ever since I was about 16 I notice lots of looks when I am in japan from people of all kinds. Although not super obvious, a lot of ppl can tell I am haafu. People are very interested in talking to me especially because I can speak japanese so it is easy for them to communicate with me. I've met japanese guys who openly and repeatedly express great envy because I am haafu, and ask me what it is like to be haafu. In america it is not a huge deal to be haafu, but whenever I am in japan I feel like it makes a huge difference, almost feels like a celebrity sometimes. And people openly clearly tell me that me being haafu makes them drawn to want to be my friend. Similarly to jjpsychic, I also get a lot of questions like 'do you have a gf' from japanese girls.

One time I was in SF (america) and a guy and his gf (probably from japan) got on the bus and sat near me, infact the girl sat next to me and the guy sat in front of me. The problem was both of them assumed I did not understand japanese and the guy proceeds to talk about how the bus smells like old eggs and he was really funny, and the girl next to me is cracking up while I stare out the window struggling mightily to hide that I am laughing inside. Like jjpsychic, I too was hiding that I understand japanese and the guy had already said things that if he knew I understood japanese would be really embarrasing for both of us. I couldn't just start laughing for no reason pretending I saw something really funny outside the window coincidentally right on que as his punchlines. Even though for other ppl it can be very suprising that I speak japanese, I often forget this myself. When I hear caucasians or mixed ppl speaking japanese, it is a very strange feeling for me too... There are also lots of commercials here where caucasians will appear, supposedly that makes the commercial automatically more effective.

I've also noticed getting married is very important in japan, often ppl seem to associate getting married with being happy.

-Ken

Gxcad wrote:

Replying to seppydude on the japanese, firstly I think you mean ohAYO gozAimasu (like the state ohio in the U.S.). If you already know the person and they are not superior to you, you can skip 'gozaimasu'. Otherwise your sentence is perfect, except at the end when you ask their profession, you will want to specify that it is now them you are talking about not yourself, so instead say something like "Anata no o-shigoto wa?"; anata = you, no = possessive, becoming 'your' so it changes from 'what is job' to 'what is YOUR job'.

Thanks for the above help... my Japanese is REALLY bad. but I suppose I'm just starting out, so it should get better. :sweat:

Gxcad wrote:

I've also noticed getting married is very important in japan, often ppl seem to associate getting married with being happy.

That makes sense, because (usually) when two people get married, they're happy witht the relationship and want to move the next level.

Unforntunately, thats not the case in the U.K (and possibly the U.S, I don't know as I've never been, but they share the same sort of social stuff). When a couple get together, they'll usually not think about getting married. And end up habving kids, then split. :puppydog:

Thats one of the reasons why I wanna move to Japan.

Well, I think one of the bad things about japan (that possibly prevent some divorces) is that there is a stronger emphasis on a persons reputation. If a wife is divorced, it looks bad (why did they get divorced etc. etc.).

What I was trying to say is ppl seem go more out of their way to try to get married (more so than say america). Of course they still will not marry a person they are not in love with (I think) but some ppl around 35 may agree to a marriage thinking it is their last chance. Japan has a stronger emphasis on age as well, as it becomes harder to find a job after a certain age.

-Ken

Gxcad wrote:Well, I think one of the bad things about japan (that possibly prevent some divorces) is that there is a stronger emphasis on a persons reputation. If a wife is divorced, it looks bad (why did they get divorced etc. etc.).

What I was trying to say is ppl seem go more out of their way to try to get married (more so than say america). Of course they still will not marry a person they are not in love with (I think) but some ppl around 35 may agree to a marriage thinking it is their last chance. Japan has a stronger emphasis on age as well, as it becomes harder to find a job after a certain age.

-Ken

i have read that many Japanese people try to marry by the age of 25, esp. girls. they feel that if a girl is over 25 it will be harder for her to find a man to marry and they feel that 25 is old. 25 old???

many Japanese people who are married, they say that they met their spouse through a matchmaker. some hire someone to check to make sure the person is good, decent, come from a good home, have a good job, make good money, have good health, not from Hiroshima (no offense to anyone, that is what I read). it is ideal that the guy is 3 years older than the girl.

but also read that many people in Japan divorce, don't know the actual predominant reason for the rise in divorce, considering that they frown heavily on divorce. one of the reasons people give is that some marry for love and not for convenience and therefore they are fool-hearty and carried by emotions rather than reality to survive and thrive in an industrialized society. therefore once they are out of their fool-hearty lovey dovey mode, then they realize they cannot survive and argue and then divorce. but that can't be the main reason, right? i think each case varies depending on the couple and their personalities, and their living situations.

Gxcad

whatever you do, don't hug or kiss the girls because then it is considered like you are after them and after for more than just a friendly kiss and hug. kiss and hugging is restricted to boyfriend, fiance, spouse. best is to keep your distance and just talk normal and be like a friend. if the girl shows interest and you like her, invite her to go out.

in the US people kiss and hug like it is nothing. considered like a friendly gesture. but even in the US, there are many Asians who do not accept a guy kissing a girl if he is not her boyfriend, fiance, or spouse. even if you are dating an Asian in the US, you have to see which type you are dating because some are heavily Americanized and like to do all the hugging and kissing if just friends, but others that are not that Americanized or have grown up in Asia may not like it and won't consider it friendly, instead will consider it fresh and naughty. bad bad bad.

jjpsychic2 wrote:Very interesting topic you brought there, Ken.

Actually I was thinking about a similar topic to discuss this on in the past but I never had the time to bring it up.

And same goes for myself, I am also half caucasian and half Japanese. And yes, I do speak Japanese fluently.

The thing is that Japanese women are very surprised when a foreigner speaks Japanese so well and even more if they are good-looking.

Two summers ago, I went to Kyushu for a tour from my Japanese school. We went to Mifune high school to have a speech exchange where we would have a speech in Japanese, and the Mifune people would speak in English. I was the only person out of the 10 people in the group that I am mixed. Everyone else was Japanese from LA. So every person looked at me, surprised, amazed. It seemed that they did not expect to have a foreigner to come to their school or something. And when I went up to speak infront of the classroom, the girls seem excited and smiled at me. Afterwards, they wanted to talk to me and ask if I have a girlfriend and etc. It was a very interesting expereince.

In the same tour, we also went to another school. I think it was Kaseda. Well, this time I pretended that I did not speak Japanese at first (haha im kinda of a jackass lol) but I wanted to experiment. And even the mother behind her probably thought I did not speak Japanese because she said to her daughter in Japanese, "oh you're so lucky to sit next to half -great guy." And then when I went up to speak, the audience was just surprised.

Another situation is where at the university I go, I saw two asians girls but I wasn't sure if they were Japanese or Korean at first. I did notice that they are from overseas. And so I sat near them and I overhear them talking in Japanese. So I'm trying to find a way to talk to them and so I took out my Japanese work and lifted the paper up so they can see that I am studying Japanese (and yes it's pretty lame). And I overhear them saying (of course in Japanese), "it must be very difficult for him to learn Japanese as a second language. It must be the same for us learning English." After hearing this, I feel even more of a jackass. And then I got a call from a Japanese friend, and I started talking in Japanese on the phone, and suddenly these 2 girls looked at me with amazement. After I hung up, they were just starting to ask me questions. How do I speak Japanese so well? Are you mix? How old are you? Are you from here? Etc etc. One of the girls ended up not going to class and we ended up having an hour conversation before I had to go to class. It's really amazing that she was so interested to talk with me. Is it because I'm half? Is it because she finally was able to meet a guy who can speak Japanese in America?

To an extent, I feel that it is a problem in Japanese culture. Although I am getting praise and not to brag or anything but it seems that Japanese girls are very weak towards foreigners especially when they speak fluent Japanese and have good looks. When I went to a Japanese salon in Japan, the woman who worked there asked me on a date. She was like 26 and I'm 20. But even with all the praise I get, I still think it is a problem. Why? If I were to be full Japanese and go to Japan, they would expect me to speak Japanese. And lets say that I was a Sansei (third generation), and I wasn't able to speak Japanese, some people would think wow this guy can't even speak Japanese.

Sorry for the off-topic but I just wanted to say some things. Here are my thoughts. I talked to some Japanese girls about some situations on how I would talk to girls in Japan. If you talk randomly to a person in a train, usually most girls would think what is this guy doing? Often, girls in the train would think people are weird if they start talking with strangers. Perhaps you could ask for directions or pretend to lol. Certainly they would help and possibly they might be surprised that you are able to speak Japanese so well especially if you speak it fluently and have good looks hehe.

And one more thing. Do not hug girls. In American society, we see lots of people hugging each other, and actually when Japanese girls from Japan see a person hugging another person, they already assume that they are a couple. So, if you were to hug someone after the end of the day or something, the girl would think, "does this guy like me or something" or "does he just play around with girls" or "you're sexual-harassing me" Yup, even sexual harrassment.

I'll add some more things in the future but I got to study 2 more finals for tomorrow. I just finished writing my 8 page paper. Hopefully this is some good information for you and the rest. Feel free to respond to anything. I like receiving critiques. Thanks.

just finished reading your story, interesting, and i think it is a definite advantage to know the language and culture well as you do. Being mixed to the girls perhaps is exotic to them. Also, the information based on your experiences will help others that plan on either visiting japan or moving there. I have always wanted to know how the j-girls are like in more person and more indepth. :bonk:

I know what you mean.

I've only ever seen Japanese/Chinese girls at uni, and I'd never dare go up to them. Simply because, what if I greet them in Japanese (granted, my Japanese stinks) and theire Chinese? What do I do then? I know absolutely no Chinese apart from "Zhang Ziyi"... and thats only a name! :puppydog:

But from what I've learned here. Next semester, I might just try and talk to a J-girl. Might.

seppydude wrote:I know what you mean.

I've only ever seen Japanese/Chinese girls at uni, and I'd never dare go up to them. Simply because, what if I greet them in Japanese (granted, my Japanese stinks) and theire Chinese? What do I do then? I know absolutely no Chinese apart from "Zhang Ziyi"... and thats only a name! :puppydog:

But from what I've learned here. Next semester, I might just try and talk to a J-girl. Might.

Yeah, i think trying is the best thing you can do, it can't hurt to try. J-girls, i usually can tell the difference, most of the time. I notice how some girls look more Japanese than Chinese.
Btw: where are you attending the university? Is it in Japan? :bonk:

Nah, I'm in the U.K

Plus (I don't mean to be patronising or offensive) is there any sure fire way to tell if someones Japanese or Chinese?

seppydude wrote:Nah, I'm in the U.K

Plus (I don't mean to be patronising or offensive) is there any sure fire way to tell if someones Japanese or Chinese?

discreetly get close enuff range to them to hear what they are speaking. with your J-linguistic skillz, if you understand it even partially, then they are J. if you TOTALLY have no idea what they are talking about, then they are not. simple, but it works.

Arigato! :woot:

frankly speaking, as a chinese, sometimes i will have difficulties to differentiate between chinese and japanese. the only way is to get near them and listen to their conversations.

i've always wondered about how it would be like going out with a Japanese guy (pure Japanese, meaning does not know any English) and is raised very heavily to be proud to be Japanese and proud of the Japanese culture. has anyone dated someone like this before and you being not Japanese? what was it like and how did you feel?

Gxcad wrote:So, what is a respectable way for one guy to approach one or more seemingly single and pretty young girls in japan? I can speak japanese fluently so that is not the problem.
...-Ken

**Attempted edit for clarity and neutrality

Ken, since you're Japanese, don't you have any relatives there that can hook you up and show you the ropes?
-PCM