Marriage

My family is quite multicultural, Im english, and my two godfathers who are also my uncles are portugeuse and greek!
Im pretty sure my parents would not mind whoever I decided to marry, hell, if I said I wanted to marry another guy they would probably be cool with it :s

Been thinking about marriage quite a bit lately, a flatmate of mine from america is getting married soon, and is only 21, was quite shocked when I found out, as thats very young, well, around here anyway, maybe things are different in the states?
I wouldn't want to get married until Im out of uni, and financially independant, which will be a few years yet, but well, I'm pretty sure ive found the person that I would be more than happy spending the rest of my years with, so just hoping it will all work out! You never can tell though I guess...

gawd, its 5:30 in the morning here, and im still up working, gotto be up and out the house by 8 as well :shamefulcry:

bmwracer wrote:
Things just didn't work out... Had nothing to do with my relatives.

Unfortunately, when my mom found out she tried to shame me in front of my grandparents during Chinese New Year by telling 'em I was seeing a Japanese girl... I blew my cork and pretty much renounced my Chinese heritage.

wow. your parents are really strict about who you date. to bring that up during Chinese New Year, is going overboard a bit. don't blame you for getting angry. wow, you renounced your Chinese heritage. sorry to hear that. things must have really gotten heated up that day.

mrmacca wrote:hell, if I said I wanted to marry another guy they would probably be cool with it :s

hell if that happens in my family .. whow whow i can only imagine the fireworks ... boom bang wooosh !!

but it is really cool to have such a multicultural family .. must be fun to be with so many diff people ... and ofcourse to be able to date any god damn girl EH !!! :naughty: :naughty: :dancing:

personally i dont give a damn as to from where the girl is as far as I am sure that "both" of us r ready to live together for the rest o the life .. but but but ... for my family welll might take a little explaning ... but they will understand me :sweat:

well ofcourse if i end up with "aya" :victory: I dont give a damn then :hehe: :hehe:

sodesuka wrote:wow. your parents are really strict about who you date. to bring that up during Chinese New Year, is going overboard a bit. don't blame you for getting angry. wow, you renounced your Chinese heritage. sorry to hear that. things must have really gotten heated up that day.

Yeah, I really resented that "keep our heritage/blood pure BS..." And I have no regrets about losing it, either. People with that kind of antiquated thinking need to get a smack across the nose with a rolled up newspaper...

bmwracer wrote:
Yeah, I really resented that "keep our heritage/blood pure BS..." And I have no regrets about losing it, either. People with that kind of antiquated thinking need to get a smack across the nose with a rolled up newspaper...

yeah same here. when i was a child, it was the ideal to my parents to "keep the blood pure." but as time passed and the world had changed so much, and seeing many of their friends' children marrying people that are not of the same race, they changed their minds. and it is funny how they educated themselves through books and came to the conclusion that there is no such thing as one pure race in any one individual. but as for me, it is very recent that i've totally given up on finding a Chinese guy to marry and my parents understand. even they feel that some Chinese people are way too picky and narrow-minded and so damn calculating. so whoever i meet whether Chinese or not and if he is nice and has some of the qualities that i'm looking for, then i marry him. but i don't go and deliberately look for a Chinese like i used to. because if i deliberately look for a Chinese guy, all the Chinese guy will purposely make the date a bad experience and make it where he is completely undesirable dating material. that is why i've given up. i don't want to go through such crap anymore. it is a total waste of my valuable time.

it's a good thing you don't live with your parents or else the house would be a war zone every day. no peace.

ever since that incident. do you still come in contact with your parents and relatives?

sodesuka wrote:it's a good thing you don't live with your parents or else the house would be a war zone every day.

Absolutely. I moved out a couple of years after that incident. I probably stayed too long...

ever since that incident. do you still come in contact with your parents and relatives?

Well, my grandparents and dad have passed, so all I have to deal with is my mom. But I think she's backed off her original stance, mainly because she knows I don't put up with that crap.

bmwracer wrote:
Well, my grandparents and dad have passed, so all I have to deal with is my mom. But I think she's backed off her original stance, mainly because she knows I don't put up with that crap.

:applaud: good for you! you stand up for yourself and for what you want. because if you listened to everyone and did what everyone wants you to do, when in the first place you didn't want to do, then you would not be completely and truly happy.

bmwracer wrote:
Yeah, I really resented that "keep our heritage/blood pure BS..." And I have no regrets about losing it, either. People with that kind of antiquated thinking need to get a smack across the nose with a rolled up newspaper...

I imagine that has a lot more pressure on you, than it does someone like me. My parents are very accepting.... I still have had some problems though...usually based more on skin color.

For some reason, I've kind of been "we are the world" when it comes to girlfriends. I dated a Japanese-American in college. I brought her to a family get-together once and my aunt took me aside later and said "What's wrong with your own people? Why don't you ever date within your own people?"

I don't know...I was kind of like "sorry, I don't plan things this way, it just happens." I mean, what "own people?" Irish? Italian? French? Freaking bigot. I'm just glad she wasn't around when I dated a black woman...she probably would have had a heart-attack. I haven't even bothered bringing my current gf to anything she's at.

But, I've got a rolled up newspaper waiting :beaten: .

kitakaze wrote:But, I've got a rolled up newspaper waiting :beaten: .

Make sure it's rolled up good 'n' tight. :hehe:

Maybe I should wrap the newspaper around a fence stake? :hehe:

kitakaze wrote:Maybe I should wrap the newspaper around a fence stake? :hehe:

Rebar??

Railroad tie??


:hehe:

bmwracer wrote:
Rebar??

Railroad tie??


:hehe:

Maybe I should just say "screw it" and get a Louiseville Slugger.... Oh...what a daydream. My uncle would be jumping me with all 240 pounds of his big white self....

there's this Chinese lady that me and my friends met at the local Popeye's, the only way we met her is because she's the manager there. she said she used to complain about her son's Chinese girlfriends all the time and how none of them were right for him. she was so damn picky with the Chinese and then her son married an African-American and that was like the end of her. she kept her trap shut, but that is only at home. she started complaining to us about how she hates her AA daughter-in-law and we just like want to tell her shut the f*ck up because she is the typical Chinese type who is so f*cking picky with Chinese girls and now she has an AA daughter-in-law and now she is complaining about her. all me and my friends do is just listen to her whine and bicker and we are like eating our fried chicken in front of her. we could give a rat's a$$ about her situation.

then she goes "why couldn't my son meet one of you earlier?" and we're like "well, none of us would have been good enough because you are too f*cking stuck up b*tch to see the good in anyone. no one is g*d*mn good enough for your son, only until he married a non-Chinese." Man, do i hate these kind of Chinese women.

sodesuka wrote:there's this Chinese lady that me and my friends met at the local Popeye's, the only way we met her is because she's the manager there. she said she used to complain about her son's Chinese girlfriends all the time and how none of them were right for him. she was so damn picky with the Chinese and then her son married an African-American and that was like the end of her. she kept her trap shut, but that is only at home. she started complaining to us about how she hates her AA daughter-in-law and we just like want to tell her shut the f*ck up because she is the typical Chinese type who is so f*cking picky with Chinese girls and now she has an AA daughter-in-law and now she is complaining about her. all me and my friends do is just listen to her whine and bicker and we are like eating our fried chicken in front of her. we could give a rat's a$$ about her situation.

then she goes "why couldn't my son meet one of you earlier?" and we're like "well, none of us would have been good enough because you are too f*cking stuck up b*tch to see the good in anyone. no one is g*d*mn good enough for your son, only until he married a non-Chinese." Man, do i hate these kind of Chinese women.

Ouch. :shocked: I don't think I have anything to compare to that. At least I can stay away from my aunt. That must suck to have a mother like that.

sodesuka wrote:then she goes "why couldn't my son meet one of you earlier?" and we're like "well, none of us would have been good enough because you are too f*cking stuck up b*tch to see the good in anyone. no one is g*d*mn good enough for your son, only until he married a non-Chinese." Man, do i hate these kind of Chinese women.

This and BMW's situation are similar to why I left my GF of 1.75 years back in January.

Of course, her mom disapproved of her Chinese BF's she had before me too! :hehe:

More importantly, she wasn't independent enough in mind to be able to treat me well, because her mother's disapproval factored into her behavior. :crazy:

Got tired of her relatives talking crap about me behind my back and the parents having nothing to do with me because I'm not Chinese. Even after I was half-way through my second semester of Cantonese (and had lent them various of my HK DVDs) which I had enrolled in at my GF's request to make her parents happy, they still would have nothing to do with me. I'd never even met her father, and it was only by accident that I'd met her mother.



I'm happier solo now. :woot:
-PCM

pcmodem wrote:

This and BMW's situation are similar to why I left my GF of 1.75 years back in January.

Of course, her mom disapproved of her Chinese BF's she had before me too! :hehe:

More importantly, she wasn't independent enough in mind to be able to treat me well, because her mother's disapproval factored into her behavior. :crazy:

Got tired of her relatives talking crap about me behind my back and the parents having nothing to do with me because I'm not Chinese. Even after I was half-way through my second semester of Cantonese (and had lent them various of my HK DVDs) which I had enrolled in at my GF's request to make her parents happy, they still would have nothing to do with me. I'd never even met her father, and it was only by accident that I'd met her mother.



I'm happier solo now. :woot:
-PCM

u bet ... this kindda shit is worth nothing .. useless tension all the time ..

even if the girl is the same community .. she has to realize that it is her and u .. who will marry .. not her parents .. and if parents are important to her but disapprove .. well there will always be this tug of war !!

welcome to the solo band wagon .. !! :):)

pcmodem wrote:

This and BMW's situation are similar to why I left my GF of 1.75 years back in January.

Of course, her mom disapproved of her Chinese BF's she had before me too! :hehe:

More importantly, she wasn't independent enough in mind to be able to treat me well, because her mother's disapproval factored into her behavior. :crazy:

Got tired of her relatives talking crap about me behind my back and the parents having nothing to do with me because I'm not Chinese. Even after I was half-way through my second semester of Cantonese (and had lent them various of my HK DVDs) which I had enrolled in at my GF's request to make her parents happy, they still would have nothing to do with me. I'd never even met her father, and it was only by accident that I'd met her mother.



I'm happier solo now. :woot:
-PCM

IMO, if a person loves someone, then they are willing to sacrifice everything for their partner. some people are not willing to sacrifice everything. in the case of your ex-gf, she probably was afraid to sacrifice her relationship with her family. also most likely her parents must of told her that family is more important than a bf, whom you don't know for sure if you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with. which is really not fair. -- i am only guessing this, because most Chinese people say these kinds of things.

it takes a very strong person to stand up for what they want. if you truly love someone, you'd do anything for that person.

there is news about China having a heated problem with Japan. saying that the Japanese govt changed the history books about WWII and saying that Japan did not really fight and kill so many Chinese. they just say that there was heated tension, so now the Chinese in China are mad and trying to boycott everything that is Japanese. but how can you boycott everything that is Japanese, when some of Japan's products are manufactured over there?? and the Chinese in China are so violent, they are beating whoever is Japanese over there. it's terrible.

if a Chinese person is in love with a Japanese person, it is no one's business. but those Chinese in China will go nuts if a Chinese person like a Japanese person. that's not right. the past is the past, why can't people just forget and move on.

remember that incident with Zhao Wei, when she wore a dress with the Japanese flag or something on it. people threw a bucket of sh-t on her and gave her a really hard time and banned her commercials and stuff. OMG. these Chinese people in China are really violent. China should talk, their were so many civil wars in China and when Communist hit, there was more Chinese against Chinese violence. so how do the Chinese in China calculate this??

z123_us wrote:

u bet ... this kindda shit is worth nothing .. useless tension all the time ..

even if the girl is the same community .. she has to realize that it is her and u .. who will marry .. not her parents .. and if parents are important to her but disapprove .. well there will always be this tug of war !!

welcome to the solo band wagon .. !! :):)

agree 100%. it is you and your gf's relationship, it is the both of you getting married, not the both of you marrying the parents. if you gotten old with no wife, then your parents will get desperate and want you to marry anyone off the street. this is not a joke. if you got old (whatever the age they consider to be old), they will panic and don't care who you marry. but if get married when old, it kind of doesn't have that much meaning anymore, esp. if passed the age of having children. it will be just getting married to get married.

Simple way -->

our parents are living with "each other" for like 20, 30 yrs ... not their parents right !! ... and it will continue like this for us also ..

z123_us wrote:Simple way -->

our parents are living with "each other" for like 20, 30 yrs ... not their parents right !! ... and it will continue like this for us also ..

best thing to do -- marry the person YOU love !
tell the rest of the world to "go fly a kite !"