Love/Relationship/Potential Relationship Advice

bmwracer wrote:
Well said... I'd tend to agree with that.... :victory:

I tend to be sensitive. I'm always the backup.

Anime Dad wrote:Still, I think the men of Canada and Hawaii need to get their act together... all these great, available women out there being ignored... :mrgreen:

lol :muack:

It's my own fault. I don't put myself out there. That... and all the good men are already married. ;)

Wynter wrote:That... and all the good men are already married. ;)

For the moment.


I.... Er, never mind.

bmwracer wrote:
For the moment.

Excluding you, of course. :muack:

I.... Er, never mind.

Eh?

Wynter wrote:Excluding you, of course. :muack:

My ex would vehemently disagree.

bmwracer wrote:
My ex would vehemently disagree.

Your ex had issues. I don't even want to know what mine would say.

Besides, any sensible girl wouldn't judge you based on your wife's perspective. It takes more than one person to break up a marriage.

Wynter wrote:Your ex had issues.

To be fair, we both did. :sweat:

Anime Dad wrote:

This is true. If you don't try, how are you going to know if someone is compatible with you or not?

I know. But at the same time, it was stupid of me to get involved with someone who I knew was leaving the following week. If it weren't for that guy feeding me lines about how it wasn't goodbye and how we'd see each other when he comes back to visit or me going to visit him and possibly even moving there, I wouldn't have been so hung up and wouldn't have gotten deeply involved with things.

bmwracer wrote:
You're lonely 'cause you don't post enough here. :beaten:

I think that's possibly true. Nowadays, it seems posting here is one of the few things that make me happy and get rid of this funk I'm in.

qilver wrote:

yeah, very true...the what if's....if we don't chance it, we'd never know...but it is always nice to have that someone that is here for us, atleast on an emotional level to provide us some stability. I think since i have no one, i have to provide that for myself, and get too self relient, and my mind tends to wander...i think being alone too long, cause me to become somewhat anti-social, except with my family, and a few friends. In terms of meeting new people, i guess i am open to it, but saying one thing, but doing it is another. I guess i get complacent, but i know i have to take some risks to grow and have a chance. I do admit, motivation, and encouragement go hand in hand, and you definitely need both to re-enter the dating scene. I don't like to view it as interviewing, personal interviewing is somewhat tougher than job interviewing...except you won't get paid if you get hired, or hook up...lol :beaten: :hehe:

I'm totally hearing you on this, qilver, and I feel the same way 100%. Sounds like you were voicing everything I wanted to say and then some. What's your number? :beaten:

But seriously, even though I wish to meet someone and whatnot, at the same time, taking the effort to do so is just exhausting. I don't even know where to meet new people. Sure, there are bars and clubs, but I don't think I want to meet a potential guy in places like that. People suggested to go to church, but I find that to be odd. I just wish some nice, normal, and funny guy would just fall out of the sky and into my life so I don't have to go through all the unnecessary bull$hit. Hmm..maybe that's why people turn to internet dating services?

bmwracer wrote:If you don't do anything to change your situation, deal with it, move on, and try to extract some joy in your life, be it travel, food, being online, whatever...... :victory:

I'm kind of doing that right now (jdramas, internet, my site, etc). Maybe it could be seen as avoiding social situations, but for now, it's what makes me comfortable. Pretty stupid thing for me not to go out and socialize since I would like to find someone and that someone can't be found if I'm hiding out in my room (the mentor guy always tells me this).

Wynter wrote:About your "backup" friend, why is age always an issue? And mebbe the reason why things "changed" this time was because your backup got tired of being the backup. You say that he's always there to lift your spirtis, etc., so it sounds like you're always taking from him, but rarely giving back. And now he's tired of it. I know I would be. I'm not saying your made the wrong choice, but perhaps your backup feels used. Why else would he turn you away?

If it were up to me, I wouldn't mind being with him. In fact, when we first met, I would have loved to be with him, but he had personal issues and also qualms about getting involved with someone younger than his daughters. However, later on I realized that we weren't compatible in some ways. To be blunt, he prefers oral sex to regular and I'm not too keen on it. As for why he turned me away, it's because he's very health-conscious and since I did the sex thing with someone else, he doesn't want to take a risk that I caught something from that. Even though protection was used, it doesn't matter. He just wants to be phone friends from now on and nothing more. :(

I think what Q said about "finding" yourself and getting to know yourself is key. If you feel pathetic about these thoughts, then mebbe you're not being honest with yourself. I find your posts encouraging because they're so real and raw, and you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarassed. This is who you are, and everyone else should learn to live with it, non?

Yeah, I do need to find myself and I also have to learn to love myself before I can love someone else. I'm still learning to do both. Seems like I'm just living day to day without knowing what the outcome will be.

I'm a loner, and I prolly always will be, and I have no confidence whatsoever when it comes to the opposite sex. So I totally understand what you're feeling, although I do find that you have a brighter head on your shoulders. I can't offer advice, but I will say that you're not alone. Hang in there. There's always tomorrow.

That's really interesting about you having no confidence with the opposite sex. I generally see you as being flirty with the guys here, but that could just be it: you don't see them in person, you can hide behind your screen and keyboard, and they're far away and possibly even have significant others so the flirting is harmless and there's no pressure at all. While it's totally different in real life, you could still be your friendly self and not take things too seriously, just treat every guy (even the ones you are attracted to) like friends and do the slightly flirty thing. Easier said than done, though, right?

Wynter wrote:That... and all the good men are already married. ;)

Or gay. Or in a relationship. Or just stupid.

Man, I haven't been around for a while but now people are talking openly about their sexlife? :hehe:

as for the guy who only does oral sex, that's pretty stupid cos oral sex isn't safe either. in a healthy relationship you get both to be checked, that's only fair right?

Wynter wrote:
That... and all the good men are already married. Wink
Or gay. Or in a relationship. Or just stupid.

ROFL - i can't help but feel little offended here - YOU 2 ARE SO WRONG :cursing:

okaeri. :wave:

I'm with you on the checking part. :thumbsup:

cori wrote:Or gay. Or in a relationship. Or just stupid.

I'd be the stupid kind, cause I'm not gay or in a relationship. Who knows, maybe I'm not good man, but a jerk. :beaten:

Then again, all the jerks have hot girlfriends. :hehe:

tabana wrote:Then again, all the jerks have hot girlfriends. :hehe:

Isn't there that theory that hot chicks like troubled guys/bad boys/etc....?

bmwracer wrote:
Isn't there that theory that hot chicks like troubled guys/bad boys/etc....?

Only young silly gals.

After the bad boys abuse them for 20+ years theyre ready for a nice one. ;)

So true! Go for the nerds! They are so grateful for the attention that they treat you like a princess. And as a bonus, they can fix your computer if it breaks :hehe:

lol

Yeah, but after 20 years the good looks are gone anyway. :beaten:

Anime Dad wrote:So true! Go for the nerds! They are so grateful for the attention that they treat you like a princess. And as a bonus, they can fix your computer if it breaks :hehe:

like densha otoko....he got hermes....it happens everyday. :beaten:

Tu_triky wrote:

like densha otoko....he got hermes....it happens everyday. :beaten:

Of course it does :) TV wouldn't lie, would it? :sweat:

Yeah, right. Maybe Herpes. :hehe:

tabana wrote:Yeah, right. Maybe Herpes. :hehe:

that implies he humped somethng other than a tree....i have my doubts.

:hehe:

:hehe:
I don't know... Maybe being in a train packed with ganguro is enough to get it. :P

cori wrote:If it were up to me, I wouldn't mind being with him. In fact, when we first met, I would have loved to be with him, but he had personal issues and also qualms about getting involved with someone younger than his daughters. However, later on I realized that we weren't compatible in some ways. To be blunt, he prefers oral sex to regular and I'm not too keen on it. As for why he turned me away, it's because he's very health-conscious and since I did the sex thing with someone else, he doesn't want to take a risk that I caught something from that. Even though protection was used, it doesn't matter. He just wants to be phone friends from now on and nothing more.

But you know, cori, sex isn't everything in a relationship. And I'm sure you know this already, but it seems in the above quote that that's really all this is about. Sex is secondary in a relationship, in my opinion, anyways. What comes first is the individual - soul, spirit, and heart.

That's really interesting about you having no confidence with the opposite sex. I generally see you as being flirty with the guys here, but that could just be it: you don't see them in person, you can hide behind your screen and keyboard, and they're far away and possibly even have significant others so the flirting is harmless and there's no pressure at all. While it's totally different in real life, you could still be your friendly self and not take things too seriously, just treat every guy (even the ones you are attracted to) like friends and do the slightly flirty thing. Easier said than done, though, right?

O, I'm a TOTAL flirt, irl as well. But my flirting is without intention. I flirt as a joke and only with those who get the joke (i.e. Toshi-kun, A-oyaji, B-san, Musa (:muack:), etc.). I flirt with girls (I'm pretty sure I've flirted with Eve a few times :beaten:), too, and telephone booths and plants and anything I come into contact with. It's all for good fun.

What I meant about not having confidence with the opposite sex is just that. Flirting for fun is one thing. Flirting, or talking, or whatever with a guy I have feelings towards is another. On the rare occasions where people taking my flirting seriously, I retract into my shell because I don't know how to deal with it.

tabana wrote:okaeri. :wave:

I'm with you on the checking part. :thumbsup:

I'd be the stupid kind, cause I'm not gay or in a relationship. Who knows, maybe I'm not good man, but a jerk. :beaten:

Nah, your problem is that you live too far away from me. :naughty:

Tu_triky wrote:

like densha otoko....he got hermes....it happens everyday. :beaten:

Awwww densha... :smitten:

tabana wrote::hehe:
I don't know... Maybe being in a train packed with ganguro is enough to get it. :P

Kamoshiranai.