Love/Relationship/Potential Relationship Advice

tabana wrote::hehe:
I don't know... Maybe being in a train packed with ganguro is enough to get it. :P

Especially the one you posted in the Halloween Thread...

haha, hilarious thread :hehe:

Anime Dad wrote:So true! Go for the nerds!

Well I cant go quite that far... :hehe:

I'd day the handsome nice ones who have been pre-tortured by evil women and are now grateful someone is nice to them.

But then I I dont like anyone messing with my computer but me. :hehe:

Eve wrote:

Well I cant go quite that far... :hehe:

I'd day the handsome nice ones who have been pre-tortured by evil women and are now grateful someone is nice to them.

But then I I dont like anyone messing with my computer but me. :hehe:

:hehe: You're an exception then :) you don't need a nerd!

Eve wrote:

Well I cant go quite that far... :hehe:

I'd day the handsome nice ones who have been pre-tortured by evil women and are now grateful someone is nice to them.

But then I I dont like anyone messing with my computer but me. :hehe:

O YEA! I remember you posting once about a waitress who commented on how you always bag the handsome ones. ;)

I wish I could bag just ANYONE. :doh: :beaten:

Terryb wrote:Man, I haven't been around for a while but now people are talking openly about their sexlife? :hehe:

That's part of the reason why I want to change my username. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so open about these things on a public message board. :sweat:

Anime Dad wrote:So true! Go for the nerds! They are so grateful for the attention that they treat you like a princess. And as a bonus, they can fix your computer if it breaks :hehe:

I want a nerd for these reasons! Maybe I should try hanging out at places that sell computers. :hehe:

Wynter wrote:But you know, cori, sex isn't everything in a relationship. And I'm sure you know this already, but it seems in the above quote that that's really all this is about. Sex is secondary in a relationship, in my opinion, anyways. What comes first is the individual - soul, spirit, and heart.

Yeah, I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but tell the mentor guy that. He's the one who's into that more than I am, it seems. For me, I'd be happy just hanging out with that special someone, whether if it's just at home, watching tv, or the movies, or just going on a walk holding hands. I just want to have the type of relationship where you can enjoy the other's company and it doesn't have to be an overly sexual relationship. I think eventually that slightly fades, so I'd rather have someone that's on the same wavelength as me and who I can connect with mentally, spiritually, etc.

As for the flirting thing, I can be the same way. If there's no pressure, it comes easily, but if someone shows any sort of interest, it gets a bit awkward. It's only been a few guys who I've been comfortable enough to flirt with on a serious level.

cori wrote:I want a nerd for these reasons! Maybe I should try hanging out at places that sell computers.

Isn't J-Dorama enough? :beaten:

bmwracer wrote:
Isn't J-Dorama enough? :beaten:

LOL! That made me laugh out loud. :hehe: :rofl:

Wynter wrote:LOL! That made me laugh out loud. :hehe: :rofl:

Tis true. ;)

Wynter wrote:

I'm a loner, and I prolly always will be, and I have no confidence whatsoever when it comes to the opposite sex. So I totally understand what you're feeling, although I do find that you have a brighter head on your shoulders. I can't offer advice, but I will say that you're not alone. Hang in there. There's always tomorrow.

and i was thinking about this earlier today, and for most of this week. It took a few of my friends talking to me on this topic of relationships and getting out there, meeting people, to make me really reflect on my life, and how much i retracted socially. It hit me hard almost three years ago, when i had lost a job and a 5 year relationship in the same month! It stripped my confidence to nothing. Jdorama was the only salvation for me, as i posted and posted and found refuge in a way. Of course i had a few good friends to give me moral support, but nonetheless it was a difficult time. I gathered myself, and regained some confidence. Atleast with the job category, i was able to find employement, a stable job and income, and feel better about who i was. With dating, i even tried online dating, taking risks, and started dating different girls, from Dec'06-May'07, ultimately it lead to nothing, but i got out there and it was a bit of an investment dating, but i also become discouraged, and frustrated. I retracted after a meaningless date i had with a girl i met thru match.com, and let me membership expire, as i gave up online dating for months. Despite moving forward, i felt that i moved back some too, losing confidence as i was discouraged, and frustrated instead of confident and encouraged.

What it comes down to is Confidence, and feeling good about yourself enough to take some risks, and facing rejection, to get back into dating/relationships. In theory it sounds easy enough, but in reality, i find this to be a greater challenge than most things. So your words, Wynter hit "home" with me, as i evolved into a more of a "loner" type when in actuality, i am an extroverted person. I have changed some, due to lack of social circles, and circumstances. "Brighter head on your shoulders", so very true, and sometimes it is difficult to do, when there is nothing going on, encouraging. I think for me, i lost hope, and faith that i could find someone, and fell into doubt about finding new love. It wasn't until my friends gave me some encouraging, "wake up" talks, that i have stirred up my hope a little. I do still feel great doubt on this issue, but at the same time, my curiousity has awoken, has any of yours???

Yeah, lots of people become "loners", or homebodies when they lose their jobs or are in a financial pinch. It happened to me twice. :P

krim wrote:Yeah, lots of people become "loners", or homebodies when they lose their jobs or are in a financial pinch. It happened to me twice. :P

Ppl just need a breath of fresh air.

[image]

cori wrote:

Yeah, I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but tell the mentor guy that. He's the one who's into that more than I am, it seems. For me, I'd be happy just hanging out with that special someone, whether if it's just at home, watching tv, or the movies, or just going on a walk holding hands. I just want to have the type of relationship where you can enjoy the other's company and it doesn't have to be an overly sexual relationship. I think eventually that slightly fades, so I'd rather have someone that's on the same wavelength as me and who I can connect with mentally, spiritually, etc.

As for the flirting thing, I can be the same way. If there's no pressure, it comes easily, but if someone shows any sort of interest, it gets a bit awkward. It's only been a few guys who I've been comfortable enough to flirt with on a serious level.

Sex does play a factor, but only somewhat. Between the two genders, for guys, it is because they have a stronger sex drive, and are usually the agressor, women, stereotypically, less so....but i am not here to judge on the genders and what is wrong, ....
flirting occurs everywhere....even at my workplace, but in a harmless way...even some of the married women flirt at my workplace, but again not for any intentions.
I think for relationships, the most important element is communication, because without it, there is no foundation for a solid healthy relationship. You can observe a relationship from afar or close, what is unhealthy, and that is usually driven by imbalance in a relationship, and that is driven and dominanted by "sex". If there is a lack of connection verbally, emotionally, and the only connection is sex that drives the relationship, that is a fast and the furious type car ride into a brickwall. Yes, sex fades over time, but in a healthy good relationship sex is an element of the relationship not the motivation for the relationship. The ideal, or somewhat healthy good relationship has two people that are on the same wavelength constantly evolving enjoying their time together, as well as individuals, by themselves, with their friends, or just a a couple. The sex should come naturally, and it must be one of the best thing when things look good, since it is truly gods gift, but i am not here to preach about Christianity. The four elements of a relationship of connection: Emotionally, Spiriturally, Physically, Mentally, all, ideally would have some consistancy, and should go hand in hand...

now, i speak from 9 years of dating experience, which is not much, and my relationships were anything BUT considered healthy(in other words they were dysfunctional, sadly), but i walked away from each one knowing what i lacked in them, and what i hope for the future. There is a book. A book i heard about, and i should have read when my "then" gf told me to read. The Five Love Languages, we all have a primary one, and a secondary one, and they can overlapp...Knowing them, being aware of them, gives us a better insight of our significant other, or in my case, my "hopefully" significant gf in the future. I just don't feel motivated thesdays to read insightful books, and in theory it sounds like the best advice, but in reality i just need to try it.

Tu_triky wrote:

Ppl just need a breath of fresh air.

[image]

Smells like Redi-Whip all of a sudden... :nut:

krim wrote:

Smells like Redi-Whip all of a sudden... :nut:

Love is in the air...smells like vapor rub.

Tu_triky wrote:

Love is in the air...smells like vapor rub.

Love can put you into ecstasy, or vice versa.

cori wrote:
I'm totally hearing you on this, qilver, and I feel the same way 100%. Sounds like you were voicing everything I wanted to say and then some. What's your number?

But seriously, even though I wish to meet someone and whatnot, at the same time, taking the effort to do so is just exhausting. I don't even know where to meet new people. Sure, there are bars and clubs, but I don't think I want to meet a potential guy in places like that. People suggested to go to church, but I find that to be odd. I just wish some nice, normal, and funny guy would just fall out of the sky and into my life so I don't have to go through all the unnecessary bull$hit. Hmm..maybe that's why people turn to internet dating services?

Yeah, i can fully relate with your current situation..and views.
my number is......
lol
but seriously, i didn't think meeting people was that hard, and i when i see people out there, ( i try desparately to avoid the "couple" environments), as i would feel so out of place..probably why i tend not to go out much, and seem reluctant when a few of my friends suggest to go out, but once in awhile i will feel the urge to go out some.
Bars and Clubs, which aren't my scene, kinda turn me off as to finding someone from that kind of environment. The overall approach seems more fling-like...
now on the topic of flings, i know they are bad..and would probably provide me a bigger hole to dive in and hide if i did go thru one and thrashed, but at the same time, oddly it would give me some indication, i was somewhat desirable by women, and attractive to them. I had forgotten that. But good and the bad, we sometimes fall into temptation, fortunately, i can hold back, because there is "nothing" infront of me to tempt me, but if there was....................................................
church....... i got turned off by my previous church group, and steered clear of that avenue. I met my ex-gf from there, and i guess i wanted to just move on from that scene, being 5 plus years at there....I did also find it odd, being in that structured environment, and in some ways strict. It would be so nice if "they" would just appear and make it easier to get back into the dating scene, but in one way did i ever imagine that it would be so difficult to even find a date and get back into the dating scene. And perhaps so, why i decided to enter, and now again consider re-enter the dating scene, it is my only connection to having a chance to meet new girls...if you want my take on some dating websites, just ask...
i've think i become too selfish, and miss the normal things in relationships, and more than just a casual date, but something deeper, meaningful....oh the joys, complications, excitment of a relationship....:headscratch:

krim wrote:

Love can put you into ecstasy, or vice versa.

;)

Wynter wrote:I wish I could bag just ANYONE. :doh: :beaten:

Repost the pic you removed. :mrgreen:

cori wrote:For me, I'd be happy just hanging out with that special someone, whether if it's just at home, watching tv, or the movies, or just going on a walk holding hands. I just want to have the type of relationship where you can enjoy the other's company and it doesn't have to be an overly sexual relationship. I think eventually that slightly fades, so I'd rather have someone that's on the same wavelength as me and who I can connect with mentally, spiritually, etc.

Gehh, did you copy this from my Myspace profile? :beaten: